Is sex important in marriage decision making?

Question

Have any of you ever thought about sex when accepting to marry your other half? My boyfriend is rubbish in bed- I have tried everything I can to stimulate things and make our sex life better but he isn’t willing to explore. He is more of the old school men that would hump inside you for a minute and that’s it, goodnight. I keep thinking about my ex, oh did he know how to satisfy me in bed! I love my boyfriend with everything in me. He has been talking about wanting us to get married. Is it selfish of me to be thinking about turning down his proposal because I can’t imagine a boring sex marriage. He has every other qualities I love in a man, but just lacks sexual ability. I’m so confused. Although I haven’t cheated on him in our 2 years of courtship, I fear that I would want to seek pleasure outside in marriage if I get married to him
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Some of yous are already judging me. You have no right to tell me that I do not love my boyfriend!!!! Absolutely no right!!! If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be thinking about overcoming the barrier that we may have in our marriage. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be considerate of his feelings. If I didn’t love him, I will be doing so many things that I am not doing. Now I make reference to my ex boyfriend and our sex life and I am getting judged for that too. What’s wrong with everyone!! I can’t speak about this to my friends without feeling like they would mock my relationship or judge me. I clearly can’t discuss this on here either because I’m having people tell me I do not love my boyfriend

Answer

I'm gonna zero in on something here
That little sentence of 'i fear that I'd want to seek pleasure outside of the marriage' 
That right there alone is enough to show that you shouldn't marry him 
Sexual compatibility IS important in a marriage. And if yours is incompatible enough to where you aren't even married and you ALREADY want to cheat. Well, your marriage is doomed to fail before it even started. 
It would be different if he was willing to work on it, or you were fine with a mundane sex life, or if you were willing to stay faithful (as you should) in a marriage. But you aren't
He doesn't want to work on things
You don't want to stay faithful
The marriage isn't gonna work out

Answer

You should not marry him. This issue isn't going to go away. Being sexually compatible is an important aspect of any healthy marriage.

Answer

i hope he does not marry you cause wat kind if person thinks about their ex about sex?? u dont love him gurl bye

Answer

I'd be fine with it. Spice it up slowly and if he dowsnt want to then I can do it better myself anyway 🤷‍♀️

Answer

I personally do believe sex is important in a marriage. Although I’ve never been married, I know I want to be sexually compatible with whoever I choose to be my partner for life. Know that being said, have you ever told him that you have issues with him sexually. If you haven’t, now is the time to have that conversation.

Answer

Quite honestly when I first dated my husband.. it was exciting but I couldn't orgasm.. it got to a point where I didn't know if this was how I was going to live my life.. then one night.. he found my web browser and saw porn sites.. I didn't make it a secret and so he got curious.. we ended up watching it together and he asked me questions of the things I liked from it.. he learnt from that day and honestly there is times.. I dont orgasm but most times I do.. the fact he grow in confidence is the most sexy part of all.. if u love him like u said u do.. keep trying.. dont let him just get in there and out.. foreplay and playfulness is what is missing here.

Answer

From experience I'm telling you that sex ends up being a major factor in marriage. And without putting our heads  in the sand it is a major need that we have. I would honestly suggest talking to him about your dissatisfaction now before he goes and proposes. It's either he's mature enough to understand the seriousness of your concern or stubborn and prideful and refuse to make adjustments. Love is great but sex is a significant expression of that and again the fact that you mentioned how good your ex was  does not bode well. The fact and memory that you have had satisfying sex in the past will not disappear after you get married.

Answer

Okay let me please tell you three major points :
1 the term used in your post “sex” is only used when it comes to boyfriend and girlfriend. In my opinion I should use making love more romantic and couple appropriate term. Answering your question love yes it is very important to know your desires and it is more important that your partner do them for you and you do them for him too. Marriage is not only compromise affection love and commitment, but also sexual love that’s the base of everything. Without this you both would look like brother and sister not more and not less. 
 
2 I find it really hard immature and hurtful when you said “seek for sex out of the marriage “ it does show how committed you are to your partner. Marriage is much more big than this it is a sacred bond unbreakable your partner shall feel warmth tenderness affection and pure love not insecurity this is not a good way to pay him back. You must assume your choices don’t let people pay your bill. He has nothing done wrong I think.  If you want love making then go and find your suitable other half and get on it . 
3 I noticed that you unfortunately are attacking your fellow ladies here and jumping to conclusions already  that people are going to judge you and we will tell you that you don’t love him.... I did not find a suitable way to talk to some senior maybe ladies here or even for all of us I am sorry. This is not a good way to talk. Lastly if you dont find this app suitable for you to vent or to post your idea then please don’t post here and look elsewhere. With all the respect for you  cheers mate.

Answer

Sex is important in marriage. If you love him enough marry him then have the conversation now before he proposes. Men are stupid, they don’t know how much it means to you. So be honest and say if I’m going to say yes to forever in need a spicier bedroom

Answer

I feel that if he is open to learning, he could get better. I think sex is an important part of marriage but also at the core, you are an important part, and why won’t he use sex as a way to make you happy and satisfied? Like most husbands love to get their wife off it’s like a point of pride. To me that’s the bigger issue- why is he selfish in bed

Is sex important in marriage decision making?

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