I don’t even know where to start with this. When i’m with my really close college friends, this never happens, but when i’m with my not-so-close theatre friends, after i drink i just feel like everyone hates me, and then i feel the need to ask them why they hate me and i won’t take no for an answer.

basically, i am doing a show at the moment, and the director lets us stay at their house after shows for a couple of hours for a drink and some nibbles, and because i never really get the opportunity to get drink obviously i try to drink as much as possible.

as well as this, i have just auditioned for the lead role in another show, where the director is within the same family as the show i am doing at the moment.

this has obviously led me to be in the edge as they have not yet announced the cast list, and as this is my last year (due to my age) i’m really hoping i get the lead role.

AANNYWAY... today, one of the guys doing my show and the moment AND is also *kinda* a part of the audition process of the show i auditioned for, said that i am not getting the part because i am too tall.

i’m not stuck up or entitled or anything, but that really got to me. and of course i drunkenly snapchatted my friend (who also happens to be the directors daughter, but i also consider her a close friend) and was like “is this true, it’s really getting to my head”

and all she is saying is along the lines of “i don’t know anything you’ll have to wait until the cast list is put up” but she keeps trying to reassure me that i’m not completely awful at what i do.

i guess what i’m trying to ask is why do i always overthink more when drunk and i have a tendency of being for hateful towards myself after i’ve had a drink, to people i wouldn’t normally confide in.

and even when i do confide in her, i’m scared she thinks that i’m only talking to her because she is related to the director and i have some sort of ulterior motive or something.

prolly just silly but i always get stuck in my own head sometimes and i’m too scared to get it sorted out.