Issues with my boyfriend HELP

We’ve been together over a year even though honestly it feels like forever and I’ve never loved someone like I do him. He’s an amazingly smart and hysterical person and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Recently though he’s been really uptight about our flat being clean and whatever.

Now bear in mind we found out a little over a month ago his dad has cancer and him and his dad are more like bestfriends/brothers than father son. So this is obviously a really hard time for him and he feels heartbroken.

But anyway I’ve tried to keep the house clean and keep on top of everything because I’m waiting to go to college at the end of August

But I went to stay with my grandmother for two weeks and when I came home there was dishes piled so high and so many beer cans just sitting on the counter. (He’s not an alcoholic but he has a drink on weekends and his family is constantly buying him beer he doesn’t want or need).

So I went about trying to clean everything it took me like 3 days to properly finish the kitchen which was the only problem room really but everytime I was really close he would go and use multiple plates and it would all pile up again.

That was about a week ago and I finally got them done but he got a new job which started on Monday. He hasn’t had a job for a while and he’s definitely not a waster or anything he worked for his dads garage to stay close to him but the garage hasn’t been working out so well.

So he’s only like two days in and he comes home and sits me down and is like “you need to start keeping on top of things more you leave things lying at your feet all the time and I don’t have the time to be cleaning up behind you anymore”

Which would be a fair statement if it was truest

Now the only thing he cleans up “behind me” is when I leave clothes in the bathroom which is what we’ve always done and he’s always cleaned up. He then mentions how in the morning he feels worse because the kitchen is a mess and he can’t find anything? One the kitchen was clean before I went to bed which meant he’s been making some shit and two id washed all his clothes and put them on the clothes horse and told him that’s where they’d be.

I only ever leave clothes lying which is what he’s meaning in the bedroom because yano it’s a bedroom and it’s all in a small pile it’s not like I’ve hung them on every single picture frame in the house.

And he’s really like adamant that I need to keep on top of things like I’ve done literally nothing to keep this place clean the past month.

So I’m really pissed off at this point because he’s not only completely disregarded the work I’ve put in but he’s taking credit for work that I’ve done and is making me feel like crap.

It just feels like I’m no more than a housewife because I’ve not got anything to attend to right now and I’ve said I don’t mind cleaning as long as he also helps me which he hasn’t been. I’ve made it very clear I do not intend on being a housewife ever. That’s not for me.

It’s like I’m just there to pander to his every need EVEN in the bedroom sometimes which it has never been like before. It’s like this amount of stress he’s under turns him into a completely different person and he’s constantly grumpy or sad and I don’t know what to do.

This is a complete tangent but like we have a very active sex life also and I love it but recently it’s been like he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to do anything tonight which totally respect and I don’t prepare for anything and then like a couple hours later when we’re in bed he’ll try something and then complain a little when I tell him I’m not prepared or ready to do anything?? I mean I change my mind too sometimes and like it takes me a lot more time for me to get wet than it does for him to get hard. And I always want it when he changes his mind but he doesn’t seem to comprehend that he needs to help me out a little bit before hand?

It confuses me even more because not that he focuses solely on my needs in the bedroom but we’re usually quite equal if you know what I mean and we take care of each other...

I’ve got shit to worry about too I’m not sure if I can afford to go to college anymore and my family is all a bit of a mess right now, not that it compares to his but I’m under stress to and I’m constantly ill Too.

I don’t know wether I can confront him about his behaviour and my feelings because he could take it the wrong way and be like “oh I’m under enough stress as it is and you’re just adding to it” but at the same time he might get his shit together if he realised how much this hurts me.

But I could just leave it and continue to do what I’m doing and he might just shut the fuck up?!? I don’t knowww

Maybe I’m just being an idiot and I’m reading to much into things but I don’t want to put him under anymore stress than he’s already in.

Helppp a bitch out. I’m probably being stupid but there’s literally nobody I can talk to about thiss other than him which is awkward.

I will be grateful for anything feedback but please do not bash my boyfriend or call him names that is not appreciated at all. Thank youu

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