As a mom myself, I resent my mom. I always have because she was really mean to all of us growing up. She favored one over the other and we could all clearly see it. I truly feel in my heart that she hated me. She never taught me anything, she never taught me how to brush my teeth, never taught me proper hygiene (simple things, like putting deodorant on) she never taught me how to shave my legs. I would go to school with knots in my hair because she never took care of me. She would call me dirty but I never knew better (not at 6 years old, not at 8 years old and not at 10 years old) Worst of all, she had no relationship with us and never ever showed affection. We lived in a house with my dad, my mom, my two older sisters and a you get brother (I’m the 3rd). She would cook and clean for us everyday but that’s about it.

Her and my dad never had the best relationship, she was always suicidal whenever she found out he was cheating on her which was multiple times. His excuse was that he wasn’t happy and she was never a good wife to him because she showed him no affection. He would beg her for a divorce multiple times but she was too embarrassed to get one and always fought the paperwork so he stayed. When I was 23 we ended up finding out that my dad had an affair and has a whole other family. He was living a double life the whole time. He had an apartment, a woman, and 2 kids (my half siblings) yes, my dad is a piece of shit but he loved his kids or at least showed us affection (kisses, hugs, compliments, physical love) and provided us everything we wanted/needed. Funny how I don’t resent my dad as much as my mom even though he did more damage.

After having my first child 9 months ago, I tried to work on the relationship I had with my mother because I wanted to show my daughter that. She makes that so fucking hard. She hasn’t changed. She always puts me down (I’m doing this wrong, I’m doing that wrong) but she never shows me the correct way or even bothers to teach me. When I was pregnant with my first child and first grandchild on both sides, she didn’t do anything with me. Never even asked about my pregnancy unless I talked about it. I did my baby registry with my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law threw me a baby shower. My mother in law was there for me when my own mother ran away to another country to see her sisters because it’s when she found out my dad had another family and betrayed her. Do you know how embarrassing it was to tell people why my mom wasn’t at my own baby shower because she was out of the country. As a woman who is pregnant for the first time I wanted my mom, I don’t know why I was assuming it would be different.

The worst of all is my trust in her. I can never trust her big fucking mouth. There are multiple Times I have told her things in private and she has gone behind my back and told people. For example three years ago when I first got married, I suffered a miscarriage and I had gained a little bit of weight because I was about 13 weeks when I had a miscarriage and then was put on the depo shot which made me blow up. I never told anyone except my husband but after we lost the baby it was my sisters wedding and we were trying on bridesmaid dresses and my mom kept telling me how much I had gained weight.

I finally blew up and I said I gained weight because I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage. Come to find out three weeks later when I went with my sister to try on her wedding dress my sister says oh mom told me what happened to you. I said what do you mean? She said how you lost a baby. I was livid it wasn’t her place to say anything but she broke my trust. Stupid me I continued to trust her throughout the years and she always screws me over. I’m currently pregnant with my second child I told her when I first found out but I told her not to tell anyone because I wasn’t out of the safe zone yet... well come to find out she’s told already all her friends, my sisters, my family how I’m pregnant again.

I think the last Straw was today I was on FaceTime with her and we’re talking about my nine-month-old how I’m kind of nervous to about giving her solid foods because I’m scared she’s going to choke again. I have tried before and she keeps gagging and throwing up. We had a scenario where she choked on a mashed piece of banana and that really scared my husband and I so I’m waiting until August 9 to take her to the pediatrician and ask her what I could do in terms of her gagging. FTM here 🤦🏻‍♀️ Well my mom shamed me for not giving her solid foods she said “no you aren’t giving her solid foods because you are too lazy to make her food”. Umm my mom doesn’t live with me and barely sees me once a month. Why would she say that? that hurts so bad I don’t know why maybe because I’m pregnant and hormonal but I should expect this from my mother she always shames me anyway I hung up the phone and I cried to my husband about it. I always wonder why I try with my mom why should I keep trying I think I should just give up. I feel like I would be happier without having a relationship with her because she makes me so sad and I don’t want to be sad in front of my kids. If I say something mean back to her she always says that my daughters are going to end up treating me like shit just like I treat her like shit but that’s not the case because I won’t treat my daughters like shit for them to treat me like that. Sometimes the resentment is so strong that I lash out on her out of anger. If you were me would you cut my mother off?