So I don’t remember much of what happened except when I get flashbacks and nightmares. I asked my mom if we had pressed charges and she said that’s why the person and their family live in another state. It’s been about 10 years and somehow it stills manages to fuck me up. I used to not feel much towards what happened because I was younger and didn’t know how much it really impacted me. I also used to block it out but I have to do a trauma narrative in therapy about it. He ruined my childhood. He made me scrutinize my body before I even started puberty. My abilities to develop close relationships with other people have already been hindered by the fact that my biological mother left me, but he really took the damn cake on that one. I constantly push push push people away because I don’t want to be vulnerable. Because I don’t want to be violated again. After 10 years of false healing, I have to reopen the wound and rinse it with tons of salt water and let it heal properly (metaphorically, not literally) which is going to hurt like hell. I’m tired of dealing with this and I know I’ll still have it deep down no matter how much I try to block it out or try to heal completely. I hate talking about what happened so my anxiety has been going crazy the closer I have to go to therapy.