Becoming a mother?

I haven’t been on this app in a while. Only to put down when I’ve started my period and logging down my sex sessions with my bf of course 😂

Anyways I came on here to write a little something. I’ve read many of post from other amazing women’s on here about finally getting pregnant and they are expecting. I’ve commented many times on congratulating them and my blessing. Trust me I am very much happy for them. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t kill me on the inside. It stings my heart a little to constantly getting a negative sign each time I “think” I’m pregnant! From very late periods to a very sore lower back. It kills me to see others with their 2nd child or even their 3rd or 4th child. When I’ve yet to even have my first. I know I’m sounding a little selfish but let me finish because writing this is getting a whole lift off my shoulder!

In the meantime I’ve been taking baby steps of seeking help from my OB. I’ve gone on vacation and had a amazing tan. I’ve watch my good child hood friend get married 2 weeks ago. I’ve gone out with old friends that still remain the same and still cracks me up from as long as I remembered. I’ve gain all the weight back, but recently slowly started getting back on track. I’ve been reading books lately that eases my mind. Most importantly I’ve been trying my best to see more of the positive than the negative. Keep constantly trying to fight my inner demons and keep reminding myself to live this beautiful life to the fullest as much as I can!

So anyone out there who is in the same boat a daily reminder from rupi kaur: “this is the recipe of life said my mother

As she held me in her arms as I wept

Think of those flowers you plant

In the garden each year

They will teach you

That people too

Must wilt

Fall

Root

Rise

In order to bloom