Postpartum depression? Sorry long post!

I’m six weeks postpartum and emotionally I have been feeling really good about becoming a ftm. I love my baby boy! He’s been a pretty happy/easy baby so I feel really lucky. I consider myself a strong mental person but lately I’ve been wondering if I’m trying to be too strong and put up the appearance that everything is ok. I feel like the realization of being a mom just kind of hit and that the person I was before having a child is definitely gone. I miss the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And I wouldn’t say that I love being a mom all the time. I feel guilty for thinking those things and then wonder if I’m going crazy with all these thoughts? Is this just the emotions of becoming a mom or is it something more? I’m a very private person and don’t open up to people very well, so I haven’t told my husband or friends these thoughts because I feel embarrassed/ashamed. And I feel like that’s causing a disconnect with my husband which makes me feel even worse. Sorry for the long post but I thought if I started by writing it here it might make it easier for me to express it vocally and I also just welcome other moms opinions/advice.