I can give you a thousand reasons why I want another baby,our first baby together(I have two from previous relationships) . My fiance can give you a hundred for NOT having a baby. This has been going on for almost two years. First it was "We can start after we buy a house." It was a valid compromise with no argument, considering we were living in an apartment with two kids already. We bought a house in March 2018. Then it was "We just can't afford a baby right now." Okay,another valid compromise. I'm a stay-at-home mom and he had a very great career, but expenses were tight. I went back to work. Problem solved,right? Nope. We needed time to save. My counter offer to him was we would have plenty of time to save while trying and during pregnancy. His paychecks covered bills, mine was for whatever other expenses we wanted or needed. Just stick my paychecks back and we'll be set. He still doesn't budge and I'm forced to yet again agree and go along with what he wants. And in the meantime, I get to watch his twin sister experience her third pregnancy by accident. We ended up having a slip and on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> I find out I'm pregnant! He was at his family's when I found out, I broke down crying and telling him as soon as he walked through the door. Happy tears and fearful tears. I was terrified thinking I would be the only one excited about this,and I wanted to share the excitement with him. And as I handed him the pregnancy test, he had such a huge smile on his face. He was on the phone with his family within an hour telling them the news. His excitement was everything. We lost the baby two weeks later. Everyone in our families knew about the baby,including my two children. He promised me we would start trying immediately so we wouldn't have to tell the kids. I fell into a depression state and got very unhealthy very quickly. We didn't know it was depression, I was in denial,so doctors kept throwing around thyroid issues. I was told not to conceive unless I wanted to continue the heartbreak each month. So, we stopped and my health issues worsened. Fast forward to end of April. I had gotten my mental state under control and finally got the help I needed. I'm ready to start trying again. My fiance isn't, of course. This time it's because he isn't happy with his job and is too stressed. So...I sit back and wait. And wait. And wait. All while he does NOTHING to fix his stressors or his job situation. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. It was almost like he was holding onto having it as an excuse. Then FINALLY he decides it's time for a job change. We relocate,sell the house, and he says he's finally happy. But still no trying.. he goes back and forth with so many different excuses. And each time I prove his worry to be over exaggerated,he comes up with something else. Absolutely anything he can. He's gone from financially we're not able,even though we're both making more money,to he doesn't think I can handle another miscarriage,which is my decision to make. It's always one reason or another. We have an amazingly wonderful relationship,we truly do. Our only issue that we fight about is the baby thing. I've tried explaining my end of things and my reasoning for wanting one: I'm in my late twenties, my eggs aren't as fertile as they used to be. There's already going to be a huge age gap between my eldest and a newborn, he's almost eight.(my mom had two more kids when I was ten and twelve, I hate not being closer in age to my brothers) And for the first time, I'd be having a baby on purpose because of my love for this man.(I love my two kids to death, but they were huge surprises I wasn't prepared for.) I'm suffering inside every single day. I can't walk past baby aisles knowing I don't even get to plan for that. My heart aches and I break down every time someone else gets to announce a pregnancy or welcome a baby(his younger sister just announced hers). I've cried and I've begged. I've cut off sex and we've even broken up over it. He doesn't budge. I've even gotten to the point of looking at sperm donors. He's told me if that's what I feel I need,he'll support me and the baby but he doesn't know how he'll feel in a year knowing I had another man's baby. But I'm tired of hurting. Everytime it's nearing or the day of ovulation and he pulls out, I find myself getting angry at him. I bawl every single time. And now...parts of me are starting to hate him. I run through every obstacle he needs in order to try,for nothing. He knows my hurt. He knows I'm majorly suffering. But he isn't willing to try at all. And I just don't know what to do anymore. If I leave, I am still stuck waiting until I find something close to what I have with him. If I stay, I'm stuck hoping he finally comes around. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of fighting for what I so desperately long for. I'm tired of feeling betrayed by him,feeling like he just doesn't care. Talking to him about it is useless. He'll just tell me he'll think about it just to shut me up. I can't keep doing this anymore.