Last night was my first night out without the baby with my girls..

Except they were both hungover from the night before which was the first let down.

The one doesn’t have kids and never wants them which is fine. The other has a 2 year old and has a lot of family available to watch their kid so they get out a lot.

I unfortunately only have my mom as an option to watch my baby, outside of my husband and I don’t trust her. We have a lot of issues and so much has happened over the last year too that has had an impact on our relationship that has only made things worse and make me not want her to watch my baby even more. I still let my mom see my baby whenever she wants and I try and let everything go for the sake of my daughter so that she doesn’t get impacted by my moms toxicity though.

So I was SUPER excited to finally get out of the house while my husband watched the baby and maybe have a few too many drinks since its been so long, but my friends barely wanted to do anything since they partied too hard the night before. Then the subject of my mom came up and I was just put down and blamed for the entire situation and told I should just be more positive (which is so hard if anyone knew the entire backstory which is too long to mention). They are also fitness and health freaks and I’m not so much.. but they talked about how the ones sister is getting fat (she’s a twig and gained 5 lbs... big whoop). This then made me super insecure about how they must think of me...I was told I shouldn’t talk to them about some of the things I get down about though and that that is what my husband is for.... well then what the hell are my friends for?

I’m just so down about it and would have much rather stayed home with my husband and baby.