So a little back story, and I know I’ll get bashed for this but so be it. It’s my story.

I met my husband about 4 years ago in October. About a week into our relationship he calls me and tells me his ex girlfriend had just left and she had told him she was pregnant with his kid. It was really confusing and hard to hear that, but I really felt something for him, so I asked if he wanted to try and make it work with her for the kid, and he told me no because he knew it wasn’t going to work already. He had broken up with her for a reason, and they dated for only a month. He wasn’t in love with her but he would still be there for his kid no matter what. So I said okay, we can try and make this work.

Long story short, he stopped talking to me a week later, and I found out via his roommates and social media that he was spending time with her during those two weeks. He wouldn’t speak to me the entire time. I just assumed we were over and he was back with her so I cried a little and accepted it. I saw him after those two weeks and I asked him what happened? It’s not cool to just stop speaking to me and not just tell me what was going on with you. He said he knew and said we needed to break up and I told him we pretty much already had. Well my birthday came about a week later and he asked if he could take me to lunch for my birthday. His roommate could come too if I felt uncomfortable. I said okay because I thought I was okay, but sitting at lunch with him really sucked and I didn’t know how to act. We had been talking still everyday since we “broke up”. I was bummed but I was okay. We were friends. He had to work on himself.

I dropped him off, and went home. He texted me all night and apologized for not talking to me and blah blah blah. Well his roommate confessed his feelings for me that night, and I was honest with my now husband and told him about it. We talked for hours that day and I came to his house and we ended up deciding we would give us another shot, but I was weary. The months went on and I fell head over heals for this man. I asked him the day we got back together if he had slept with his ex, and he said no, so I chose to believe him.

Well here we are a year and a half into our marriage and he got caught in a stupid lie, and it turned into a huge thing because I hate being lied to, it’s so disrespectful, and I started questioning what else he had lied about. After a week of this he finally told me that he had slept with that woman during the two weeks he had stopped speaking with me at the very beginning of our relationship. Mind you, I told him multiple times every time I would ask about that, even the day before we got married, that if he had cheated on me I would leave because I see that as the end all because I would never be able to trust again. We have two beautiful little boys now and I have been going back and forth writhing myself because I wanted to pack my shit and leave when he told me but what about my family? I still love him deeply.

We’re in marriage counseling right now, but I just don’t know. My heart is broken.

Is this something that can be forgiven? It’s more the lying than anything. He took away my choice by lying about it. He didn’t give me the option to walk away. He made my choice for me and it makes me angry. I feel so insecure and I don’t know how to trust him. He’s been completely transparent and every time I ask him something he has been totally up front, even when it has hurt my feelings. He feels terrible, and has cried every day. I’ve been so mean to him because I’m so hurt by this. I know he was confused, and I know he wasn’t in love with her but he thought he should make it work for the kid. His mom kept telling him he needed to at least try. Even when I was around. But still. He cheated and then lied about it for 4 years. I don’t know what to do.

If you read this far, does anyone have any advice? I could really use some. I’m dying inside right now and I almost wish I had never known. I know he hasn’t done anything since we got serious. But it still hurts me beyond belief. I thought we we were serious because I don’t go into trelationships lightly. I don’t know.