Me and my rn ex bf have been dating for the past 4 months. We live about an hour from each other and his work schedule sucks so it’s hard to get together. We generally see each other once a week due to this. Our past: we had a fight where we debated breaking up bc he had cold feet about the relationship. He wasn’t sure if it was his depression coming on again, the fact that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, or that he wasn’t used to having a serious working relationship. He went to his counselor and starting talking with her and they came to the conclusion that he felt smothered by the relationship. We talked about it and agreed to texting less throughout the day. Things seemed fine and we continued dating. We hangout and we get along. Our sense of humor and everything goes together perfectly. He has a hard time expressing emotion and says that he feels awkward when he does. So I never really know where he stands unless we are fighting and then his feelings are expressed. Lately he has been super distant, taking FOREVER to respond to texts, replying oddly to important texts and being short. I think that since we only see each other once our communication throughout the week via text needs to be stronger. He literally has never FaceTimed or called me during the week just to chat. Yesterday in particular I had an odd feeling and posted on here and someone commented that he is probably cheating. I felt weird so I checked his tinder (where we met) and saw that he updated his bio and job 5 hours ago (we are still dating and he told me everything was fine!). I was beyond hurt. He didn’t answer his phone bc he was sleeping but I was so pissed that I texted him and broke up with him. I was beyond mad and thought that if he could disrespect me and go on tinder than I can break up with him over text. At first he said that he “accidentally opened the app” and I called bullshit. He later admitted that he redownloaded it and felt super guilty then deleted it. He claims he didn’t talk to anyone or cheat but I don’t believe him. What would be the point of redownloading it then? He then called me and said that he doesn’t know why he did it and he thinks he is just self destructing because he isn’t used to having a working relationship. He has used this excuse multiple times and I don’t understand this at all. He kept saying that he hates hearing me cry and he hates that he hurt me. He said he doesn’t know if he’s just not ready for a serious relationship, doesn’t know if it’s just freaking him out that I could be the last person that he ever dates or what. He then sends me a long ass paragraph while I was working saying “I know you don’t want to talk to me but I need to get something off my chest. My attraction to you scares me. Not that it’s bad but I feel like I’m trying to hide and run from my own emotions. I am scared of the fact that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and your one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I’ve never had something steady that wasn’t dis functional and I think it’s causing me to self destruct. I’ve been distant all this time because letting somebody in all the way scares the living shit out of me. Downloading tinder again was wrong. I can only say I’m sorry and I regretted it immediately because I felt terrible. I can’t explain to you how bad I feel about how I’ve treated you just know I hate myself enough for the both of us”. I don’t know what to believe. We talked again today and he said “I think I want this but what do YOU want” and I just kept saying I don’t know bc truth is I want to be with him but he lost my trust. I’m just so confused because I have very strong feelings for this guy and I was literally thinking the other day that he might be my first love...but this isn’t the first time he had been distant and had cold feet. It’s almost like a cycle. He said that he will start going to therapy again like he did the first couple months that we were dating when he was super happy and everything was great. So here I am posting on <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> asking for help/advice. What would you do? Has anyone been in this situation before? I know I should leave and never look back but something is making it very difficult for me to do this.

Also, i have the personality/trait that I always give people a second chance. I realize that I’ve given him multiple. I literally told my mother about this situation and everything and she hates him now. I realize that I should have kept this to myself but it’s too late bc I needed someone to vent to.

Also, throughout the relationship he never would give me any information about his past. He would never tell me about them or what they did to him that “hurt him” so bad. Seemed odd.