Picture of him right as I’m typing this.

Being a mom is so terrifying. I’m constantly checking his breathing. Every noise he makes besides his squeaks scare and worry me so badly. When he gets slightly red or slightly more pale I get so scared. When he gets too quiet I get scared. When he spits up I get scared. When he cries or screams I get scared. While he sleeps I’m scared. Anything at all I get so worried that there is something wrong. Like when he twitches. Or his eyes roll back a little while falling asleep. If it’s too cold in the room. Or too hot. I’m so exhausted from being scared all the time. I’m constantly praying for him to be okay and safe. I only met him 9 days ago and it’s already a love like no other. I’d give up my own life for him if need be and I just want him here forever. He’s perfectly healthy at every doctors appointment. But I’m just so worried. I know it’s a normal first mom thing. But I’m just so ready for him to be able to sit up and hold his head up on his own. I just want to finally get to those milestones. Because the older he gets I know I’ll still worry but it’ll be much less. Newborn babies are just so fragile and it’s terrifying. I would lose every hour of sleep for the next 6 months or really forever to know he’s okay. Every day I’m just so blessed to have him. And can’t wait for the next day to come to take care of him again no matter how tired I may get. Or how much he may cry. Or whatever else. I’m just happy that he’s here and alive and okay. He’s truly saved my life and idk what I’d do without him. I know I’ll miss him being a baby like this when he gets too old to want me to hold him or when he gets too old for me to be the only one who can calm him down because I’m his mom. I know. But I just know with every passing day/week/month/year that I have him here I’ll feel so much better. Some days are easier than others. But some are much much worse. He’s a week and 2 days old. Which feels like nothing. But also the longest week and 2 days of my life. Like days come to an end so much faster now. But they also drag on forever and ever. All I want to do is keep him safe. And I’m so scared that something might happen that I can’t control. I wouldn’t trade him for the world or anything on or beyond it. I can only wish hope and pray that he’s okay.