I had a thing with this guy for a long time. We were best friends for the most part but due to our attraction to each other we ended up kissing a lot. It felt like he had this radar for whenever I was having fun with my friends (my friends were also his friends) he would pick a fight about something and everything would escalate until I wasn’t having fun anymore. Even if he was out with us. This wasn’t all the time but just a lot. Every now and then the fight would be picked with a different friend. Either way, I use to joke that we couldn’t let him know I was having a good time or his “fun radar” would go off. That said I do have a lot of fun memories with him and our friends that didn’t end in disaster.

As I said we ended up kissing a lot. I’d always feel it coming, like a tension in the air. And I’ll admit that after feeling that in the air sometimes I worked the situation to be able to kiss him. (like “I dare you to get this candy from me” and then pop it into my mouth. Or wrestling so our faces were close.) anyways, sometimes we would make out and then go home and be txting and he would tell me he didn’t really want to kiss me. That he just didn’t want to make me feel bad. That he doesn’t like me like that “right now”. The thing is, him and I ALWAYS had a thing. He claimed his crush would go away and come back but he exhibited zero signs of this in our relationship. I know he had real feelings for me, I know he loved me, and I know that scared him and he pushed me away a lot for that. And the thing is it’s not like I sat there and pined after him. I tried to date other people and go have fun and stuff. He’d always chase away my boyfriends, and sabotage my hang outs. We used to get in these BIG fights, screaming matches, because no one could get under my skin like he could. But I loved him none the less. I used to feel confused a lot. Does this sound like “gas lighting” to you?

*dont bother commenting if your just going to insinuate I shouldn’t be thinking about this. I’m merely reflecting on a past significant relationship and wondering if it was abusive in a way. If it was what we call gas lighting. People can think about their ex’s jeez.