UPDATE 2: I looked at his phone (which I rarely do, but I have been insecure lately) and he typed up a whole thing on how he feels to get ready for counseling. Basically it's that I don't want to sit on the couch and watch a movie with him, I don't keep the house clean, I am a quitter (i started a job a month ago or so and quit after 4 days because they told me it was strictly work from home and I had no idea! I know it's weird, but I absolutely do not want to work from home, so we mutually agreed that it wasn't the right job for me. I've been job seeking since then). At this point I just feel like I hate him. All of his judgements about me and feelings are a result of months and months of me feeling neglected. My ounce of trying to work it out has turned into pure anger. I am not a nasty/disgusting person. I do pick up throughout the day and I am cooking and cleaning the kitchen constantly. I feel like I am doing dishes so much and picking up behind my kid so much I don't have time to necessarily fold laundry or pick up toys.

UPDATE 1: I told him we needed counseling and he responded with "I don't disagree" Kinda makes my head spin that we both feel this way but glad we agree on something.

I feel like my posts never get that many responses but here goes 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have no idea who to reach out to safely because I don't want judgement for myself or my husband. But I am seeking some type of advice. I am looking into counseling but also just want to get this off my chest and hope that I can get a little validation, tbh.

Before having a baby, our marriage was solid. We had the same vision for our future. I truly felt like we were a team. We were on the same side. We believed in each other. We supported each other. We've been together 13 years, lived together for 9, and married for 4. Our son is 1 years old.

Before birth it was agreed upon that I would stay home and he would work. He made a great income and we were in a place to be completely on one income and his workplace insurance. We decided this was the best option for our family.

Ever since I gave birth, it has been a roller coaster. At first, my husband was super helpful and supportive. He came home from work, showered, then I had the rest of the evening to myself.

Then we decided to move across country to be closer to our families when our son was 3 months old. My husbad decided not to look for work right away because he wanted time off with his family. We lived with his mom and we had the finances for him to take some time off. After a month, I asked him what he was going to do for work, I offered to work and him stay home, and really just tried to get an understanding of what our next step was. Crickets. Another month went by, nothing. Not to mention I was still the one up every night with our son, waking up early mornings while my husband slept in. He maybe got up 2 times with our son in that whole 2 months.

Long stort short lol, my husband decided to start a business. This caused serious financial hardship. I got a part time job that's flexible, but my husband doesn't support me in anyway. He makes excuses to not watch our son when I have to work, even though I get paid for my work, while he is gone all day and not really bringing home a paycheck for the hours worked. I try to support that he is building a business but he can 100% work from home on days I need to work.

Fast forward, my husband got a "temporary" second job (in his previous industry) that he does outside of his business. So now I have absolutely no help in the parenting department. If he tool a job in his previous industry, he wouldn't be working this much, he'd see his kid, give his wife some breathing time.

As much as I try to be supportive, I guess I just have so much resentment. I felt like my sense of security and trust has been broken since we first moved. I try to explain to him why I am resentful and all he hears is I am mad because we don't have money. Completely untrue, I come from a poor upbringing. I've lived on my own, broke! It's not money, it is that I trusted him to take care of our family and I don't feel he has.

Since he "has his own business" he gets up when he wants to go to work. He usually sleeps in until noon while i get up and start the day with our son. He gets home usually at around midnight, so i get he's tired, but a full 8 hours would be 8am... which i haven't gotten the luxury of 8 hours of sleep since the last trimester of pregnancy...

He also makes comments on how clean the house is (or isn't) when, yes. There are some days I do slack. But damn, i am tired!!

Anyways, i am trying to fight against the urge to just text him and say i want a divorce. He's a good man. I just think that I'm so disappointed and hurt that I have no desire to talk about it with him anymore. He doesn't hear me. I use "I feel" statements and avoid attacking him when confronting him, but he just is a defensive person. He sees me as ungrateful maybe even lazy, idk. But I am so mentally drained it pours into my physical motivation too.

I'm completely shocked by the way our marriage is right now. I never saw this coming. Thank you if you read this far.