I am so stuck ladies.

I know I won't regret waiting, but may regret not waiting.

I know that God intends sex for marriage. And that should be enough. But I'm having a really hard time spiritually at the moment. Not my beliefs or faith, but just my relationship with God. It feels like I talk and nothing gets through. So I get tired of talking. And I feel like my efforts are wasted.

To be fair, I have depression and anxiety and they have made life exhausting for a number of years and have held me back in terms of really connecting with God like I want to.

Anyway, back to my point: I am so stuck. Do I keep waiting for the sake of waiting for my wedding - which these days has largely become just about the pomp and ceremony rather than the actual commitment

OR

Do I just have to go: I love him. I am going to marry him. We are committed to each other. We can't afford a wedding or a house right now, but we have our future planned out.

I wanted to wait, to protect myself from heartbreak, and to honour God.

Now, I know that I am safe from heartbreak. Unless one of us were to die, I am without a doubt certain that this is the boy I will marry.

But I still want to honour God.

I'm just very conflicted about what the Bible actually says, what we do because of social expectations which have been set, especially in church (e.g. in mine - no one kisses before marriage! I'm already an outcast).

Can I just get some prayer and advice ladies?

Feeling very discouraged. I had a really hard time in my church a while ago and it's just settling now, but it really hurt and now I feel very out of place and unwelcome. The pastor who used to be my go-to gal I don't think I would confide in again, because I feel like my trust in her was abused and what I told her in confidence was used against me.

Anyway.

Please help ladies.

Update:

Thank you so much ladies. You're so right.

He and I had a discussion last night briefly about marriage. Because I know I want to marry him, and I see myself with him. But I needed to know where he was standing.

I asked if he thought we'd get married. He said he did.

I said I did too. But I don't want to wait until after I finish university like he does.

He's already 2 years out of university, I'm 2 years in, and still have 4 years of Law, International relations and political science to go. And French honours. I don't want to wait 4 years. It seems arbitrary to me.

I already have some savings for a wedding, and my parents will help too (they've already told me they would).

We don't need to do anything expensive. I know what I want. Nice and simple and classy with our nearest and dearest.

Because the relationship with my church is strained and I'm seriously considering finding a new church, I won't have to invite HEAPS of people either. I have been there 8 years but not sure it's worth pushing through when I feel like I can't trust the leadership.

My mum will make my dress and bridesmaids dresses. I know where I want my flowers from, and have thought about catering and venue already. I know who I want for my celebrant. I'm all ready 😂 just need him to propose lol.

Please pray ladies.

I will continue to honour God, but let's pray he doesn't take too long to marry me 😂😂