( I am sorry for this being long.. I just had to get this off my chest.. I have nobody to talk to about it. )

I’m just so tired of it.

I’m 17 and I am pregnant, I understand its not the most ideal situation but i’ve grown up a lot. My fiancé and I just bought a house and move in this weekend, I graduate early and start college courses in January of 2020. I have literally done everything I can to be successful and still continue to be, with a child on the way. Somehow, I am still not enough for my fathers side of the family. My father passed away when I was 3, I was close with his family for awhile and now they just don’t want to be in my life. My grandma is the only person who wants to be. I invited my entire dads side of the family to my baby shower that is on the 24th, my grandma is the only one coming. I thought maybe they are just going to be out of town? Nope. They are throwing my sister a bridal party 2 days before my baby shower but can’t even come to my shower? I don’t even care about the gifts or anything. I just want them to be there, I want them to celebrate with me. I am 36 weeks pregnant, and I guarantee they don’t even know my daughters name. I have a high risk pregnancy, I was in the hospital 3 times for about 2 weeks each time, none of them asked how I was, or even bothered to come see me, didn’t even call. I understand communication goes both ways, but i’ve literally tried. I invited them to my gender reveal, nobody came. I invited them to my baby shower, nobody is coming. I try to involve them in my daughters life, and they just don’t want to be. They don’t treat me this way because I got pregnant, they’ve treated me this way since i was 13, ever since I was diagnosed with depression, and anorexia ( which I am fully recovered from now, I have been since I was 15. ) I use to go over for the holidays, and they’d always say comments like “ wow you’re so skinny “ or “ why don’t you eat some more “ knowing I was struggling with anorexia, so I stopped going for awhile but I started again a few months before I got pregnant. All I ever wanted was for them to expect me, and to love me. They are all I have left of my father, all I want is their love. I don’t understand why i’m not enough for it. Now they don’t even expect my daughter. I haven’t even seen most of them since i’ve gotten pregnant. Last time I seen them was around Christmas time, which was around the time I got pregnant. I’ve tried to make plans, none of them want to see me or they are too busy. I just don’t get it, they love my sister, they admire her. I don’t know whats wrong with me. My mom always tells me to not worry about them, thats just how they are and that I have her and her side of the family ( my dads side of the family hate my mother, expect for my grandma. ) I am so thankful I have her and her side, but I still long for that acceptance from his. I just wish they would want me..