The last night I ever saw him I remember so vividly. He kept pulling my pants down even though I was trying to hold them up and said no. He held me by my throat and made me tell him that I loved him evem though could hardly breath. He was drunk and beyond high. He pretended like nothing happened or forgot about it. He was my best friend that I stood up for more times than I could count. Until that night. I left and before I sat down in my truck to leave I was crying so Hard my whole body was shaking and I couldnt breath. I didnt tell anyone and tried to block it from my memory. Less than 3 months later I moved and was almost raped by another guy. I left and made the 4 hour drive home in snow and ice in just 2.5 hours. Went to hospital and filed a police report. After both if those incidenta I was on antidepressants and in couseling as well as in the hospital a few times. I want to so badly tell him how bad he hurt me and make him feel that same pain. For months whe I saw a black truck like his I froze terrified of running into him and couldnt get out of my car. A friend joking touched my neck once and I instantly broke down, he felt terrible because he knew about my past but forgot for a moment when joking around(we are like brother and sister). Little triggers that make the whole world feel like it isnt moving yet spinning out of control so fast you cant function. I had a family friend in middle school who was sexually assulted and I wanted to kill the kid knowing what she went through. Turned out it happened to mulitple girls I coached too. Went to trial with them as support and cried just as much as they did. Thank God the kid was found guilty and was forced to register as a sex offender and kicked out of public school. He was 14 and is being forced to get help or else he will go to juvie.