3 years ago my mom died

Every year it gets harder an harder to accept that she is no longer coming back

I dont know if Its hard because I have so many regrets...

I never told anyone but ima tell you guys because your like family to me

My mom always been my bestfriend we did everything together in 2009 i came out to my mom as gay she was disappointed but we made it through that and we became even closer

When i meet my wife for the first time my mom opened her home to her and even after finding out we was dating she never changed she actually started to referring to her as her daughter and in 2015 she told me she finally accepted us a couple

That made me an my mom even closer

This is where I made a mistake me n my now wife got in engaged and I told my mom I even told her I made a dress appointment that I wanted her to attend to help me pick out dress and she totally flipped the script I got cornered with some hurtful words and Thankfully nobody cursed

My mom told me I couldn't come back to visit or nothing and consider her dead I told my mom I loved her anyway

I was nervous scared and heartbroken me an my mom never been in a heated argument and my mom was older she was in her late 60's n i didn't wanna be the cause of her having a heart attack because her health wasn't the best.

So I did what I thought was right and I stay away for awhile giving her time to calm so we can talk it out

It was hard because I was use to seeing my mom everyday I had my own place but I still would come over every day

After the argument I would dial my mom number just to hear her say hello and I wouldn't say anything fearful of her getting upset and finally I worked up enough nerve to say hey after calling every day for a few weeks and when she answered she asked me what I wanted so I told her I apologize for making her upset but she didn't wanna talk to me

So I decided to give her more time and

Christmas 2015 came an went and now its fall semester I started a new school so I was 2 hours away

January 2016 I finally got to talk to her I told her I loved her and I missed her n she told me im Beautiful n she always been jealous of my beauty 1st conversation in almost a year n still hasnt seen her and

Feburary at 12:01 am I started getting calls from family members that I didn't know even knew I existed to tell me my mom passed

That was the worst day of my life

Now me n my wife has been married for 3 years together for 8 in all n its so hard for me to love her because If I wouldn't have told my mom I was getting married we wouldn't have fought n I would've seen her before she died so I walk around with this weight on my shoulder n its eatting away on my insides

I still sit in a dark room crying over my mother I miss her so much