so about 3 weeks ago or so i found out i was pregnant. & if you know me personally, you know that i’ve wanted to be a mom more than anything in life. my face lit up at the positive pregnancy tests, there was never a what am i gunna do, how am i going to do this, no tears, bc i’d waited my whole life for this. i was already the happiest girl in the world from the news. i bought the best prenatals i could find, got <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">pregnancy apps</a> to guide me through what i didn’t know, stopped taking xrays at work & cut back on my workouts & eating unhealthy bc now everything was about the safety & health of my baby. i got my pregnancy verified at a clinic but it was too early for any ultrasounds bc i was 5 weeks. i’d applied for medicaid & i’d made an appointment to see an OB this week, bc i’d have been 8 weeks. but baby & i didn’t make it past this sunday. on friday i started spotting, saturday was a little worse w/ mild cramping and sunday was the end of my pregnancy. i’d miscarried while in the shower. pain i never knew before hit me in waves. whole body pain that made me dizzy & lightheaded. i don’t understand why it happened to me & my drs couldn’t tell me either. today my bf’s best friend was going about how a year from now our kids would be playing. & i’m still trying to grasp that i’m not growing a life anymore. i never got to even see my baby in any ultrasounds before it happened. & i’m really trying to have a positive outlook on the situation, but it’s the hardest thing to do. i’m scared for the future, bc what if i really can’t do this. i’m scared for the people who already knew to ask how my pregnancy is going & for me to have to explain my situation. i would never wish this on anyone. i thought the pain of miscarriage would be the worst of it, but now i know it’s more painful trying to accept what really happened. long live baby ortiz🦋 you’ve earned your wings, you’re safer where you are now. 👼🏻