One year since the last time I saw you. One year since we shared a bed for the last time - when you insisted on saying “I love you”. We were broken up already. Had been for months.

One year since I stopped answering your texts, but only 6 months since I blocked you. You were getting desperate. “Please call me.” I know you have a hard time letting go. You couldn’t let her go the entire time we were together.

One month since I deleted our last picture together. You are now a distant memory. No more refreshers. I can’t remember what your skin feels like - the location of every scar, every birthmark. I just have a vague image of a broad back facing me as I cried myself to sleep every night. Dimples in each cheek when you used to smile in my direction. A contagious laugh.

The first time I met, we just clicked. You were funny, and different. You didn’t try to kiss me. I remember that. You took it slow. Only asked me to be exclusive after 2 months. Took me to meet your parents. They told me it was the happiest they’d ever seen you.

These are the milestones I remember. Not the first time I caught you talking to your ex. Not the first time you threatened to shoot me if I ever left you, with one of the guns you insisted on keeping next to the bed. Or the first time “play fighting” went too far, and your hands tightened around my throat.

Yet, somehow I still cried when I lost you. When you told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to you, I probably was. I paid all your bills. Paid for your probation. Did your homework for you until you dropped out of college anyway.

We were both toxic, and I won’t blame you for the decisions I made out of hurt. I should’ve just left.

I still meant what I said, though, A. And no, I didn’t say it “just to hurt you.” You can pretend all you want, that you’re this military man. This all-American dream of morals, sacrifice, and righteousness. You will never be worth more than what you are - a liar and a cheater. An abuser and a manipulator.

I will always care about you. I will always hope you’re doing well. Bitterness and hatred have never taken me far. Whatever you do in your life, I hope you succeed, and that you’re happy. I just hope that you’re far, far away from me.

Take care.