I was telling a guy friend about someone I slept with. The guy and I had a history of messing around throughout our teen years. We recently saw one another for the first time in ten years and ended up having sex.

I was at his family’s place and needed to use the restroom. Long story short, he cornered me and started trying to touch me. I pushed his hands away a few times and told him no. He started kissing me, so I pushed him away, again telling him no (and why). I spent a solid 20 minutes trying to get passed him to leave, telling him no, pushing him away, etc etc etc. I finally told him I’d give him a BJ just so I could get the fuck out of the situation. That ended up leading to us having sex, which the entire time I was praying would just fucking end so I could leave.

After it ended, I left. It’s been about 3 months and I’m still having a lot of frustration, shame, and just thoughts about it all. I never saw it as assault because ultimately I gave in and said yes. And I just don’t see him as a person who would assault me. I’ve known him literally my entire life and have always trusted him. But my friend, thinks otherwise.

I really wish I could go back to that night, slap the shit out of him and get away. I’m so frustrated with myself that even at 30 years old I don’t have the confidence to really stand up for myself and stick to “no”.

Anyway. Just feeling shitty and needed to type it out. Also curious if you agree with the friend or if you also consider this as “consensual”.