We have five kids between my husband and I. He has two from a previous marriage and I have two from previous and we have a newborn together. Towards the end of my pregnancy back in April my husbands ex wife cheated on her boyfriend and the man they were living with kicked her out because he was her boyfriends friend and not hers. Idk how long she had been cheating on him but that’s when his friend had decided to give her a few weeks to move out.

My husbands mother told her that she could stay with her until she gets up on her feet as long as she cleans up after herself and isn’t coming and going at all hours of the night. Well she was using his mom as a free babysitter and going out on the nights she had the kids even when my husbands mom told her she wasn’t going to watch them because she had to be at work at 4 am. Also she wasn’t cleaning up after herself. Also the kids were sharing a pull out couch bed to sleep on at the house. She had lied to us and told us that the reason that her and her boyfriend broke up was because he tried to rape her. We knew she lied because at this time he was still trying to get her back and she kept on hanging out with him and bringing the kids around him and her new boyfriend. So that living arrangement didn’t last long because my husbands mom kicked her out and now she is living with her new boyfriends grandma. We think they’re all living with his grandma her new boyfriend and his baby.

LSo we wrote up a paper and had it signed by husband and herself stating that we would have the kids temporarily full time until she could save enough money and found a place to live with a bedroom for each kid (stepdaughter is 7 and stepson is 9). The laws in our state make it so after the age of 8 children of the opposite sex can’t share a room together. We even offered to give her a mattress for one of the kids because she had lied to us about them sharing rooms and a bed before which we had found out when the kids told us.

Anyways she said she wanted to get the kids Friday’s and Saturday’s from 9am to 7pm. Well she has been showing up later and later and also drops them off before supper so she doesn’t have to feed them. Ok well that would be fine if she were actually trying to save up some money but she isn’t she just keeps blowing it all at cabelas and on her new boyfriend and his kid. She has been getting her kids less and less over the months and is down to only getting them for about 2-4 hours one day a week now.

So my stepson sees me as the bad guy. His mom talks shit about me all the time. I never talk shit about her around the kids. She also has done everything in her power to make the kids think that our new baby is not their little sister. So when she comes to pick the kids up stepson acts like he doesn’t like his baby sister at all even though he is fine with her when she isn’t around.

I have noticed these two starting o act differently. They’re sad that their mom isn’t around as much and there’s nothing I can do because I can’t replace her. It’s really hard to try and spend the extra time needed with them because of the fact we have a newborn that takes up so much time. I still manage to spend quality time with each of our kids a few times a week even though I can’t do it every single day. My husband spends quality time with them all together and separately as much as his 50+ hour a week work schedule allows.

My question is should we go for full custody since she just pops her head in and out whenever she pleases now? And since she puts these bad things in the kids heads? And how do I navigate being the bad guy in their eyes even though this is their mothers fault this is all happening?