*Trigger warning. Please dont read if you think itll upset I'm not putting this up as to scare people just to share my sons dramatic entrance into the world*

So after battling infertility for over 2 and a half years my partner Darren and I gave up on trying and I even started getting the thought into my head that I didnt want children, maybe it was a phase I was going through I'm only 25 I have "plenty of time for children" that literally anyone would say when realising we were trying 🙃. I like in the UK so seeing a fertility specialist takes forever unless you pay out of pocket so we started saving and decided we would go private if nothing happened by the time I got a letter about my appointment. Months pass nothing happens so we book our first appointment long story short we basically paid for an early scan as I was pregnant and didnt know 😅🤣. Having had 3 previous losses in those years I didnt think the pregnancy would come to anything, at 7 weeks I started to get really really heavy bleeding and assumed the worst but our boy hung in there and surprised us both by making it. Turns out my infertility was because my body didnt produce enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy so the fact he somehow was able to stick around shocked us all.

So my pregnancy progresses pretty smoothly after that, sickness, fatigue all the good stuff and then in rolls around the third trimester 🤦‍♀️🙄😳.

After 30 weeks I would constantly get excruciating back pain to the point I would throw up, I was in and out of hospital NUMBEROUS TIMES convinced it was labour as I would get pretty bad Braxton hicks contractions that would set it off everytime they would scan me, test my waters and tell me baby was head down already, very low, sunny side up and everything was looking fine and that he would turn eventually. They did however tell me he was a very small baby and sent me for growth scans every week to check on him. At my 38 week scan they told me he would weigh 5 pounds 6 ounces and they were sure I had IUGR and wanted to get him out as soon as possible. I had a previous c section with my daughter 9 years prior because she had a congenital heart defect so we opted for the c section again and booked it in for 39 weeks to give him that extra week to grow. I wish I had begged for a Vbac ...

So the morning of the 13th of august comes around and we've to be at the hospital for 7.30 am to be set up, sign paper work get bloods ect and the night before I didnt sleep at all. I was far too nervous. "Was my baby going to be okay? Would he need to go into NICU , would he be able to feed okay, breathe okay? What if he didnt survive the delivery 😳." My poor boyfriend done amazing at trying to keep me calm although hearing him be sick in the bathroom at 5am through nerves probably didnt help me.

So we get to the hospital for 7.15 and we get all of our paper work done bloods and they check baby and say hes doing great we meet the team who's going to be doing our c section (who were all amazing btw I kept thanking them through tears as it finished. I think if it was any other team it could have went so differently) and finally after what feels like forever my midwife comes in and tells me to grab a pillow from the bed, for dad to scrub up and were off.

Walking down the corridor I could hear babys crying and it put my mind at ease.

So I'm led into the theatre and told to sit on the table and cuddle the pillow for the spinal. Now at this point I'm already shaking though nerves lol so it took a good 10 mins for the poor anisisist to get it right after a couple of mins he asks me to wiggle my toes and I couldn't do it. They laid me flat down and brought my partner in, as he came through the doors and sat beside me I realised the black mirrored part of the door was behind the curtain so when one of the staff moved during surgery i could actually see what was happening 🙄😳 I opted to look the other way and focused on the ceiling mostly. So about 30 minutes pass And I asked the anisisist how much longer it would be untill they started he told me they started 20 minutes ago. So at this point I'm thinking okay I have old scar tissue it's probably taking longer this time as my daughter was born 5 minuits after the section started HOW WRONG I FUCKING WAS.

By 40 minuits I start getting worried I could hear them all mumbling, could feel only what I can describe as someone scooping out my insides with an ice cream scoop, I could feel the clamps holding me open but no pain yet I was just aware of it all. The lead surgeon asked for the table to be lowered and that's when all hell broke loose, my boyfriends face went chalk white and it wasnt untill after the delivery he told me the truth. I could feel my body being pulled up and down the table I could hear the panic in everyone's voices change and I could see the anisisist anxiously waiting with what I later found out was the mask incase I needed to be put to sleep everyone was panicking but whenever I asked they all told me it was okay with a smile. Then I head it "CRACK" and a weird feeling not painful but not not painful right up by spine and everyone started panicking more , more pulling, the surgeon literally had a leg on the table pulling , two of the others were pushing down on the top of my stomach and I couldn't breathe 25 minuits of this and I was screaming and crying and so was my boyfriend, CRACK

And then came the most amazing sound of our son SCREAMING his little lungs out happy as could be. They lifted him over, then took him to get him cleaned and my boyfriend Jamp up and ran with him to the back of the room a thing he came to regret afterwards as he seen more of what he wanted too lol. It took them about 20 minutes to stitch me back up and when they wheeled me into the room the surgeon followed us.

She sat me down and with literal tears in her eyes she apologised to me. Me being dilerious staring at my beautiful baby asked what for.

My baby nearly died twice. He was stuck in my pelvis and they had to break it to get him out. I also have a cracked rib from them pushing so hard and the bruising is unreal 😳 (I will get pictures up if anyone wants to see) they had to use forecepts to try get him out. That didnt work so they did what they had too and honestly I dont care. The break in my pelvis isnt too bad they said itll heal on it's own and luckily i dont need any metal plates or anything to fuse it, the surgeon really did the best job she could and i will forever be thankful for her being the one to deliver my son. i would take a million broken bones over anything happening to my him.

So 2 days on, im in ALOT of pain. Alot of swelling, alot of bruising and alot of worrying were doing okay. Turns out baby was actually a pretty decent size aswell btw. He was 7 pound and 7 ounces of pure perfection and is amazingly healthy. He scored a 9 on his APGAR wich they were amazed at considering the trauma he went though, we've even established breast feeding although I think my recovery might take a bit so I probably won't be pushing my lovely pram around any time soon. I've slept around 6 hours in the past 3 days so this post probably doesnt even make sence lol and I'm sure I'll come back to it eventually and wonder how sleep deprived I really was 🤣. But here's some pictures of my son who made me wait for nearly 3 years to fall pregnant and then made the most DRAMATIC entrance into this world.

Connor James Mcdowall born at 11.11am on the 13th august weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces. If you made it this far thank you! Honestly feels good talking about it and getting it out I think he might be the last child I go on to have though so I'm going to go make the best of it and enjoy every second with him ❤🌈