Feel like i've been hit by a tsunami of grief instead of just a wave of grief😥

Tuesday marked 1 year since I was told at my 12 week scan that my baby had no heartbeat, tomorrow marks 1 year since my d&c and while my grief isn't all consuming anymore it definitely lurks in the background just waiting for a trigger. While I didn't find out the baby's gender I just have this feeling it was a girl.well today my sister rings with the news that my cousin had her gender reveal yesterday and guess what...it's a girl! I'm so happy her baby is ok because I would never wish this on my worst enemy but I'm devestated she's having my girl.i know this feeling is completely illogical and irrational but I can't help it.i just hung up the phone and am sitting in floods of tears. I'm not with the father of my baby anymore and I turn 35 next week so I don't really have much hope of getting my rainbow baby.only I have my beautiful 3 year old little boy (who is the most amazing child that God ever gave life to) I'm not sure what I would do.anyway sorry for the long and rambling post but I had to get it out.thanks for reading x