I gave birth to my daughter in December and a little while after I gave birth, I began to notice what little bit of friends I had completely vanished. I literally do not speak to anyone about anything, except my significant other, but he works 13 hours a day so by the time he gets home, the baby and I are asleep and most of our chatting happens during the day, over Facebook messenger.

now I was already anxious because I didn't have my mom or a mother figure to guide me in this journey of pregnancy and motherhood so I've been winging it this entire time. (my mom died roughly 7 years ago.)

there's always my significant other's mom, but I do not trust her because she has a REALLY bad habit of lying about the most trivial things, she has stolen things from me in the past and has even stolen items from stores with her grandson in her care!!!! it got to the point where the grandson picked up something in a store one day while shopping with his mom and said to his mother "here mommy, put this in your purse it's OK" and I'm sorry but I do NOT want my child around someone like that!!!!!! children are sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear and I do not want to have to discipline my child because she witnessed something a grown ass woman did and thought it was OK to do. I want to surround my daughter with POSITIVE influences (granted everyone has flaws, no one is perfect but come on now, consistently stealing? and then expecting me to be OK with leaving my daughter in your care while I go back to work? no thank you, I'll be a stay at home mom)

I feel horrible because I want my daughter to grow up with better social skills than I have (I don't want her to be a people pleaser such as myself and agree to things just so people will be around her like I do) and to have a support system with people she can count on to talk to if she feels she can't talk to me, but I literally do not have any friends, the "acquaintances" I do have, their kids are older and obviously different mommy's have different ways of raising their kids and I'm afraid of being mommy shamed for the smallest thing...

I feel like such a bad mom already and this just makes me feel so much worse....