I don't think i can take another lie
Me and my partner have been rocky since the birth of our daughter 6 weeks ago. I've been going through a lot emotionally and even mentally with trying to keep up with my daughter's demand for breast milk.
Well a week or so ago his Aunt who clearly doesn't like me texted some horrible things about how he should leave me and how I'm not the one and how miserable he looks. I was hurt because he didn't reply to the text and stick up for me. (His messages were up when I unlocked his phone so I could call and find mine.) I confronted him and this was right after a huge fight which I can't even remember the cause of. He said he spoke to her in person and told her not to come around and say disrespectful things about me and that he was sleep deprived from a newborn and not miserable. We made up and remembered that we truly do care about each other.
Well her words never really left me and I've been really depressed because of it. My ex was physically abusive and my mother is emotionally abusive and she's really been letting me have it since the start of my pregnancy so I've been really insecure and dealing with a lot of self worth problems. I broke down a few nights ago and told my partner that I felt suicidal and he wanted to know why. I told him that his aunt was right and that I'm nothing and that he'd be better off without me.
He was obviously upset and tried to talk me up. When that didn't work he decided to share a secret with me. He said he never wanted me to know but he had gotten his ex pregnant when they were together and she had an abortion. This was forever ago before we met but his ex had trouble letting go once he started seeing me even tho they had been broken up for over a year because she cheated with 7 guys 7 different times. I just thought she was an unstable ex trying to hold him hostage emotionally but now I see she was dealing with some things and maybe couldn't let him go even tho the relationship was dead.
This upset me a little more. We've had an open and honest policy because he lied to me a few times when we started dating so that he could go argue with his ex (leaving me waiting up for him til 3am while sick with the flu) and tried to leave a date early with me because she started threatening suicide if he didn't leave and go talk to her.
He's lied about a few more things and each time it's taken more of a toll on us. I gave him chances because trust can be rebuilt. He's not a cheater just a guy who didn't understand that our relationship is a priority and being a nice guy to exes and other women are not.
That said we hadn't any more problems like that for a while. I was sure that the lies were over and his ex has been out of our lives for at least a year now. Fast forward to his secret he told me. I understand that it's not something you advertise in a new relationship. I understand that he has a right to keep things to himself. What upsets me is that he told me that I was special to him and he would often say that I'm the only woman he loved enough to get pregnant with. I just honestly thought I was the only one and I feel kinda lied to.
He says that he knew I'd feel that way. But I told him I only felt lied to because he led me to believe that I'm the only one he ever got pregnant and had he just been honest we would've talked about it. I literally disclosed my herpes status about a month into seeing him. I was in tears but I would never be anything less than honest with him. I would have understood better than anyone the shame he said he felt.
The problem is that we promised no more lies and now I wish he hadn't told me because I don't think I can handle the disrespect of our relationship anymore. I feel like I've got one foot out the door. My abusive ex left me for his ex multiple times so the drama with his ex really did fracture our trust in the beginning. I really needed him to be honest because at this point I think I have to leave. Should I?
I feel like I'm going crazy. Every time he begs me to forgive him I just cover my ears. I feel bad that he's felt like he had to keep that from me but I've been lied to so much I just don't think I can do it anymore.
Anyone else who thinks how I feel doesn't count because of hormones, don't comment. Keep your ignorant thoughts to yourself. This is supposed to be a supportive platform and all I'm seeing are a majority of women who think my feelings don't matter because I just had a baby, that I'm blowing things out of proportion. He and I have a history with his ex where I've been lied to on many occasions and maybe just maybe I'd like that to be done with. And I realize now that there's nothing wrong with that. So thank you for the perspective. I've been told how I feel doesn't matter before and I'm really grateful for this wake up call. I do honestly feel a lot better because if I can get past these stupid fucking comments then I think I can deal with his disrespectful jackass of an Aunt and his toxic lies. Thanks ladies. Hope you never have to deal with the belittlement from so-called support just because you gave birth