Venting...

Been trying for 9 months now and it’s absolutely gut wrenching every month when I feel a tad bit hopeful again then out of nowhere I get that “feeling.” & of course Flo comes within days of that feeling and I can’t help but feel so broken. I know other people try for much longer but how... this feeling absolutely sucks. Currently crying in bed while my so is in the living room cause I don’t want to hurt him more with my own self-pity. No one to talk to cause all my friends either already have kids or are pregnant or the other half can careless about having kids rn. I just don’t get how I can hope pray and beg for a child but every month disappointment is all I get in return.