During my pregnancy I’ve had a lot of struggles and I fell depressed, I’ve had 2 false labors, acid reflux that made me lose my voice, morning sickness that never went away, constant Braxton Hicks, by the end I would get my hopes up everyday “this is the day, I’m finally to meet him.” June 7th, 2am by this time I was overdue, I was desperately hoping to go into labor, my plan was to do it 100% natural, for my self confidence, to prove everyone wrong of how I’m “weak.” I started having contractions, finally! I was so excited. Well, I ended up not being able to fall back asleep. At 10am I had a doctors appointment to get another membrane sweep, in hopes of triggering something. The doctor said “well you’re at 3cm!” I was so excited I knew I wasn’t imagining the contractions. I went back home, and kept waiting for them to get worse, I ended up going into the ER they got really close together. They broke me the news “you’re 3cm.” I was confused, and upset, I thought to myself “am I having another false alarm?” I ended staying at the hospital that night. June 8th, I was still having the contractions, by this point I was awake for 24 hours and in a lot of pain, they gave me something to sleep, but I ended up not getting sleep. The next day they wanted to break my water, I was still at 3cm, still having contractions, they got my hopes up, and ended up sending me home they didn’t have enough staff, by this point I started crying, “what if I have to wait until the 10th or 11th to get it broke”, they wanted to wait, I didn’t want to be in labor 4/5 days. I went home extremely upset, but later in the day I was in so much pain, the contractions where close together again, my boyfriend told me “I think we should go in.” At that point I agreed. I get to the hospital. By this point it’s June 9th, 1am “you’re 5cm dilated!” I was completely shocked, I was like wow! Nothing was comfortable anymore, the bathtub was the place I wanted to be. I felt like I need to poop so they checked I was 6cm finally!! I was so excited, we are so close to end. I felt a gush, i thought I was just peeing myself since by this point I was living in the tub, surprise surprised my water broke, I was so relieved, my moms water never broke. I was scared my water wouldn’t either, this is when it started really started getting worse, the pooping urge got worse, I was so exhausted by this point, I’ve been awake 72 hours. They wanted me to get out the tub to make sure it was my water, they checked again 7cm! Slowly but surely I was making progress, I started becoming delusional, so I was so exhausted, I was on the verge of crying because I was scared that I couldn’t push because I was so tired. I threw up all over myself, my acid reflux was getting so bad, I haven’t ate in almost 3 days. They asked if I wanted something to sleep, I said yes, I needed to rest for pushing. I ended up just not being able to keep my eyes open, I honestly can’t remember, I was pretty much high, the contractions got extremely intense by this point but I don’t remember even having them. I get out of my loopy state and they check again, I felt like I needed to poop, really really badly. I was at 9cm, just about 10cm one of my cervix just wasn’t around the head. They said I was going to started pushing, after 3 days, I was about to push, I was over the moon. I made it all this way without medication, I was proud of myself, I am meeting the goals I set. I started pushing laying down, I wanted to squat and push, but I was so weak, I couldn’t push laying down, they grabbed a bar for me to push. I started pushing, his head just wouldn’t make it through, his heart kept dropping every time I pushed, my boyfriend got extremely scared. Later I found out his out kept stopping. The doctor asked if I was okay with getting cut, I told her yes, I just wanted him out and I rather not rip, and give safe and healthy, an hour of pushing, I hear his beautiful cry for the very first time. 3 days of unmediated labor I finally Matthew Gage. 8 pounds and 5oz, and 21 inches long, born June 9th at 2:33pm. We finally got to go home after 6 days of being in and out of the hospital. They had us stay three days he ended up becoming jaundice, I became very weak I couldn’t hardly hold my beautiful son, I passed out every time I got out of bed, I became anemic and weak, finally 10 weeks later I’m starting to do better.

Here’s Matthew at 10 weeks old❤️