Dear “Mrs. Nguyen”

It’s been three months since you decided to completely end our 10-year friendship. Because while I briefly lived with you, you decided to try to cheat on your husband, who I definitely agreed was abusing you, and when you got caught you threw me under the bus and said I FORCED you to message your ex-boyfriend. Which we both know never happened. You didn’t even WARN me that you did this to me. You only texted me while you two were on your way home and said “Heads up, J is going to have a talk with you, please delete this message.” I was having a panic attack because if I got thrown out, I would be homeless and you knew that. You two got home, you went upstairs, he stayed downstairs where I slept on the couch. He sat down and told me you BOTH wanted me out. That you didn’t want to continue our friendship, while you hid upstairs because you fucking knew what you’d done to me. After leaving a physically and mentally abusive relationship, after having my support dog TAKEN AWAY FROM ME. He said you felt so “terrible” when I “forced” you to message someone. I was so scared to lose you, I almost started to believe that I’d actually made you feel that way. That I was actually the shitty friend. Finally he made you come downstairs because I hadn’t cried or reacted and, I assume, he hated me so much that he wanted to see the panic and pain he probably knew I was feeling. You cake downstairs, I started going weak in the legs and violently crying and apologising, over and over, and begging you not to leave me because the ONLY people I’ve ever had in my life were you and your family for 10 years. You sat there and didn’t give a shit while I broke down and your husband fucking SMILED at my pain. Smiled. I’m too tired to even get into the rest of the story, but you kicked me out when I had nowhere else to go except your friend’s house who ended up hating my guts for no reason I could even think of. I knew you for 10 years. We were sisters. You claimed you loved me, your family made me feel loved for the first time in my life. You knew your husband for about 3 years. You completely broke me. All I’ve been thinking for months is, why did you lie about loving me? Why did you decide after 10 years of using me and pretending to be so close to me, that I was too worthless to even keep around anymore in order to be with someone who treats you like shit, even DENIES your Colombian heritage and says he doesn’t like Latinos? Why am I nothing to you anymore? Sometimes I just really want to fucking die so I don’t have to feel this unwanted anymore. I have no family, no friends, my dog was taken away from me, no boyfriend. I wake up at 8, I go to work, I barely eat at all anymore because I can’t keep it down, I get home at 6, and I go to bed. I hate this. And I desperately wish I could hate you for making me give up hope. But I only hate myself for having hope in the first place.