Guys, I am struggling in my marriage... We’ve only been married 2 1/2 years, but we have the SAME argument. All. The. Time.

It’s getting old.

Here’s what happens:

My husband says something that maybe wasn’t meant to be hurtful, but ends up being very hurtful. Sometimes he says insensitive things without realizing that it’s hurtful. Sometimes he speaks with a really condescending tone that changes the meaning of his message. Either way, it’ll hurt my feelings.

So then I tell him that what he said/did hurt my feelings.

His response is, “But I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. So you shouldn’t feel hurt. I didn’t do anything wrong, so I shouldn’t have to apologize.”

He NEVER understands what upsets me. And it feels like he doesn’t try to. I end up spending HOURS trying to get him to understand how he hurt my feelings.

Here’s the thing: I know that he didn’t really intend to hurt me. But he did. So my purpose in explaining to him that he came across condescending/insensitive is so that he doesn’t do it again in the future.

And I explain all of that to him. So then his response is, “Well you just need to interpret things differently and not get hurt by them.”

I hate this. I hate feeling like it doesn’t matter to him that he hurts me. Because this happens so often, sometimes I think he talks down to me to hurt me on purpose.

OH! And here’s the kicker: we both major in communications. We take classes together that teach us how to communicate. And he seems to just ignore everything we learn about nonverbal cues & making sure our messages are received properly.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.