Hello,

I’m 19.

Recently I’ve been unable to breathe and living with a huge boulder on my chest. The first guy I ever loved has moved on and is in a new relationship.. not even a month after we ended everything. The entire 11 months was a joke. He fucked with my head and then just moved on. Previous to this I’ve always suffered with generalized anxiety and major depression. He knew this. Although, I do think this played a huge roll of him not wanting to be with me. He told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he wanted to be single but not even a month later he’s buying shoes for a new girl, they’re dating, they have a cat together, taking trips together and I even saw them yesterday driving around the city. I am devastated... it very hard for me not to cut myself every time I hear of him or see him.. I don’t understand why I wasn’t enough for him, I helped pick him back up off his feet and wanted nothing but to unconditionally love him. Every part of me wants to believe that maybe we need to love other people before we can love each other, I can’t bare the pain anymore that he’s with her and I wasn’t worth it. I cry every day and I can’t sleep or eat. I was hospitalized with severe dehydration due to panic attacks during the night and puking triggered by the anxiety. I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like I’ll never find someone again. He never loved me and he told me it was strictly him being infatuated, so why is this so hard for me to let go? Why can’t I just stop thinking about him? It’s only been since May is that enough time? Should I be over this? I have never been through this before he was the first guy I ever loved and I’m devastated. I go to therapy and we have touched on this topic but therapy isn’t enough.. I don’t have many friends either, well honestly nun at all, so I’m turning here to you guys... someone please send advice.. I need help..