Let me start by saying I am a first time mom, I am very young, I turned 21 only 2 months before delivering. I was/still am very uneducated, naive, and maybe because my doctor is such a high demand doctor- he didn’t care to take the time to talk with me about the pros & cons of being induced. I was at my 38 week appointment & out of curiosity I asked when the earliest I could be induced was. I was over being pregnant, I was impatient & wanted to meet my baby (duh just like every other mother) I also wanted my mom to be there through the birth (she lives 7 states away & would have to fly in) & I also wanted my own doctor to deliver me. He told me 39 weeks if my cervix was favorable, (it was, I was 2 cm, 80% effaced, -3 station, my cervix was soft & right in the middle) & I didn’t think twice about it. I was scheduled to be induced exactly 1 week later, I would be delivering my baby at 39+1.

I didn’t look into inductions much, only went in with the idea they give you some meds in your iv to make you start contracting & that the pitocin makes things way more painful... like I said, I was just anxious to meet my babygirl so I figured I’d power through.

I go in at midnight, get all my paperwork filled out, get hooked up on an IV. I was checked again, things still looked promising, and she started me on a low dose of pitocin around 2 am. Contractions were fine, consistent, everything was great. 4 am comes, she ups my dosage, the contractions started feeling like painful period cramps. Upped it again at 6am, my doctor came in just after 7am & broke my water. After my water was broken the pain began getting unbearable. Seriously kudos to you mamas who do it all natural. I asked for the epidural around 9am, couldn’t get it until 10ish due to the anesthesiologist being in a c-section. By this point I was probably like 4 or 5cm dilated. The epidural worked perfectly & I was able to relax and enjoy labor. A couple hours later it would wear off, id start to get dull period crampy feelings again one second & then the next it’d be full on aching excruciating pain the next. My button would not work, so the anesthesiologist came back in and would fix it for me. This happened a few more times throughout my labor.

By 3pm I reached 7 1/2- 8 cm. Everyone was so excited and ready! Except my baby. I remained just about 8cm for the next 7 hours. Everything was a blur because like I said, my epidural kept wearing off. I also spiked a 100.something degree fever, got tylenol, which brought it down a bit, however at 11pm, my doctor said basically it was time for business. With the fever, me not dilating, we need a c-section before it could turn into an emergency situation.

Obviously I was going to do what was best for my baby getting her safely so I agreed to have the C-section, and my babygirl was born at 11:47pm at 39weeks1day.

She is 5 weeks old, and I have to worst guilt, I’ve had it ever since she was brought over to me when she was born. I had my delivery envisioned in my mind. I couldn’t wait for the moment to see her entering the world, I couldn’t want to have her immediately laid on my chest for skin to skin. I wanted delayed cord clamping. I can’t help but to long for what I missed out on. She wasn’t ready to be born. She was peaceful in my belly & I disturbed that & forced her out because I was selfish & impatient & just wanted to meet her. I have so much mom guilt.

I regret getting induced & i can’t help but to think “what if”.. what if I waited for her to come, then maybe I wouldn’t have had a c-section. Now I’m beyond scared to get pregnant again because my doctor does not do VBAC, and even if he did (or if I found a new one) I’m too scared of trying vbac in case of a rupture. After doing a lot of research it seems that a lot of inductions lead to c-section due to the moms body & the baby just not being ready.

Has anybody else gone through this? Anyone have any advice? or want to share their story?