19, Broke, Alone & Pregnant

Hello, Basically I just need a space to vent, advice or someone to talk to.

I recently found out I'm pregnant, by my boyfriend who's also 19. Me and Him had lost of problems, and me finding out I was pregnant didn't help at all.

He no longer wants to be a part of my life. We talk on occasion but it's never anything real.

I dont have any friends anymore, After highschool my life and mental health went very downhill, And I became too much of a burden on my friends who wanted to grow and be happier, So I got left behind, which I'm not angry about, and I understand, I just wish that I was mentally healthy enough and had the recourses to be as happy and stable as everyone else. So basically I dont have any friends or people to lean on for support.

I dont talk to my family either. I have always had a rocky relationship with them, Mainly my mom, because of my mental health also and us just not being able to ever really get along.

So I don't really have anyone.

I met my boyfriend now ex last year, and we both had similar life experiences in feeling alone. We were basically inseparable and spent every single hour of the day together. We met at work, so we worked together, and eventually moved in together, So we would spend every second of every day together for a full year.

We were best friends but we were both really unstable. He abused drugs and alcohol frequently and he would scare me, but we would always make up. We had a very dramatic relationship and its just painful although we both love each other a lot.

So recently I became pregnant. Basically he's gone, I dont have anybody, or anything really

I moved back with my mom a few months ago because of problems with me and my boyfriend.

Me and my mom dont talk whatsoever, and she doesnt lnow I'm pregnant.

I dont know yet what I intend on doing with the baby. He doesnt want me to keep it because

1. We aren't together. He doesnt want to be tied to me at all anymore.

2. At the time when I was pregnant but didnt know it, I smoked a LOT of weed. Almost daily, and I took xans (xanax) once to get really high and I slept for abut 3 days straight.

I'm worried that those weeks that I didnt know I was pregnant would affect the baby somehow.

I have No insurance and currently no job. I'm completely 100% broke, Not a single dollar.

I've been wanting to go to planned parenthood or something, to check on the pregnancy and stuff like that. But I dont know how I'm going to pay for it.

I'm very stressed and feel very alone and depressed. Some days I feel extremely suicidal and just want things to be okay between me and my ex. I miss him and his support.

I dont know what to do anymore, And I'm losing hope very fast.

Any advice on what to do?

Any places that could help me?

Has anyone every been in a similar situation?

Thank you xx😔♥️