I’ve been a tough person since childhood, it’s just who I am. I don’t cry, I don’t show affection, I barely show empathy for other life forms. That’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️ But for maybe three years now I’ve had severe depression. One moment I feel like I’m about to have an anxiety attack, the next I’m hit with sadness that’s hidden behind rage. The littlest things trigger me, and it’s hard to bury my emotion the way I’m so used to doing. A few years ago you couldn’t hurt my feelings, I didn’t care. But now, someone I don’t even like will simply look at me wrong and I immediately feel pathetic and gross and sad, which is then covered up with anger and confusion. I ignore it, since it’s nearly a daily occurrence, but I can’t deny that it happens. I’ve been struggling to get a cap on my emotions lately and I don’t know what to do about them. I’ve tried everything. Taking, writing, music, therapy, medicine, alcohol, drugs, sex....none of it works. People can’t fill the void, and neither do substances. I keep hearing, “Find your happiness.”, but I don’t have one. Music helps but it’s not a significant help. It keeps my calm for a moment. Art annoys me, I’m not really into tv, I’m socially awkward (and I don’t like people), nothing seems to help. For a while I thought I just needed someone to love me, but I had to figure out that that isn’t how it works. I can’t depend on someone else to fix me. I don’t know what to do and it’s a big problem.