Well, Im reaching out because I have no one, hoping someone is awake to help me! So I am posting anonymously only for the fact of judgment and trolls, that being said looking for motherly comments(I have no parents to reach out too, or peers) ....... So, I have had plenty of jobs throughout me, and my husband's almost 13 year relationship. There has been numerous times he doesn't want me working, not like he makes me quit, but he puts me in the mindset(negativity, problems, he is like the little demon on your shoulder). So, I have had a lot of jobs, but I also know if I stayed unemployed for too long. I will have a hard time finding a job when it comes time(please if you have had a bridge in work explain or uplift me because I get so scared, and tips for staying relevant when unemployed ) so....we have a 7 year old daughter together, we also foster a 13 year old. Have not been able to have another one for the whole 13 years w/ no protection. Please excuse me if I am jumping everywhere, because things I am mentioning are for a reason that correlate. Well my husband he doesn't do the bills so he would never understand my point of view of why I should work.

My point of view:

1. His whole family has skin cancer (he goes out in the sun all the time no sunscreen).

2. He has medical conditions (doesn't take his medicine, and refuses to change his lifestyle).

3. Can not get life insurance because he had a condition that prevents.

4. If he dies, I will be jobless, and with children and bills to pay about $1500+a month, I haven't received anything for the foster child because that's a longer story/government issues)

5. Money is leaving faster than it is coming in(that being said only have enough emergency money for 3 months at the moment)

6. He is self employed, anything could happen, he is literally works around hazards all day.

So, I could probably keep adding to this list but these are main concerns that run through my head all the time. So, I think about these things, we argue, I get a job. Well, I just got a GREAT job offer. Went through all the screening, got a start date of this morning. Everything is falling apart, the lady at the after school care is literally being rude and giving off really negative energy towards us. She could be suffering from burnout or compassion fatigue, I feel like a bad mother knowingly seeing this ladie's ethic then putting my daughterwith her.. NO ONE else services her school 😭 So I literally am trying to figure out babysitter last notice. can't use anyone I know who will be reliable and nice enough to watch her for 3 hours for me. Last babysitter we had "stole my husbands gun it was locked and everything, she masterminded it out the window without it being caught on camera, background checked and all" (side note complained to BIG company so she would be taken down immediately)anyways so that has my nerves jumped. So........im sitting here crying right now, because I need a job, I want a job, and I can't take the job. Not to mention the one that is 13, I have had him years, he never acted this way. I can't leave him alone until 7p.m. now because I caught him just last night on camera with an emblem off a car😱 and with a bike that's not his. "Says he doesn't know were they came from, confronted him with camera footage of him having them, no reply" So I'm like in all these different corners I am depressed crying, don't even know what to tell the employer tommorow(a big concern because I feel horrible, but at the same time see no solution long enough to be able to stay, also 100% sure ruined the ties to that position and employer) Especially, with no support system to call when I need someone to check on the 13 year old when he is out of school. Anyways anyone who has made it this far into my story thank you!!! It hurts I dont have anyone to tell this stuff too besides my husband and his answer is "awww well you don't need a job anyways" Just so so sad right now. I have filled up my pillow with tears.....😪😪😪 my face hurts so bad from crying.