No body knows my secret

Foe years now. Maybe 2 and a half I have been dealing with an addiction that no one knows about. I was prescribed pain killers for my badly injured back. The gave me a month supply and a year in the supply would last about 2 weeks. I would look and search and try and find any from anyone. I know this isnt safe. I have a fiance and I have kept this from him. He doesn't know the extent my addiction is. He doesn't know I take them everyday. When I cant find them the withdrawls are extremely awful. The cold sweats. The nausea. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I just lay in bed "sick" my house lacks because ik the one who cleans. I have no motivation and lack all energy. I cant keep doing this but dealing with the withdrawals for longer isnt an option. I feel like I'm dying. I suck as a person. A mother. A fiance. I wish I had the strength to seek help but I'm not a drug addict. I was fine before my back hurt and they've kept me on pills.