I’m a single mom and during my pregnancy I realised how alone I was and still am even though my son is now almost 2

I couldn’t put on my shoes I couldn’t tie my laces

I’d struggle with every little thing as my belly got bigger

I couldn’t be happy about having a baby and I realised that when I put up his Moses basket by myself and his pushchair I just cried and still cry to this day because I didn’t even have my own family to help

And recently I was in a 7 month relationship and had a pregnancy scare and the guy just started acting weird like I was the problem

Like I’ve done something wrong it made me feel like shit and I hated myself

I feel like I’ll always be scared to have more kids because of this fear that’s I’d see myself alone putting a crib together

I get some ppl will be like every child is a blessing but I feel like I don’t deserve children

My childhood was terrible and thought that my son would have a stable family made me happy until it fell apart and I. Blame myself even if I didn’t do anything wrong

I don’t understand my feelings I just know that these thoughts upset me nearly every night