Freaking Out/Feeling ashamed

Klarisa šŸ ā€¢

My husband and I have been trying for a baby all year. I'm currently on my 4th cycle of the year. I've been on Femara since May(cycles 2-4). And I've gained about 15 pounds. I'm depressed and make matters worse I have to go off my antidepressants and antianxiety meds while I'm pregnant. I'm starting to switch to something more baby friendly but I'm so nervous that I won't work as well. To make matters even more difficult I'm panicking about being pregnant and having a baby. I'm terrified that I'll be a bad mom, that post partum depression will take control and I won't want anything to do with my baby. I'm terrified of how life will change and the stress of a new baby. I'm starting to feel like a baby is the worst decision ever and I no longer want a baby, even though ever since I was little I always wanted my own family. I'm so scared of all this life changing event that I'm ashamed. Ashamed that so may women go through all this by themselves and succeed and love their baby, but I no longer want a baby because of all the talk of the hard stuff. And I don't know how to tell my husband. šŸ˜„