After he cheated on me


So I found out a year later that my boyfriend of two years cheated on me while he had a drug problem, I mean I had a feeling because we weren’t ok for a while when all that happened but he’s gotten better. Well, he finally told me like six months ago that this happened a year and a half ago. We’re both our first serious relationship SO after I found out I obviously got upset and I just felt like it was so unfair that I stuck to his side and helped him get through his problems and even tho we weren’t ok, I never EVER had a thought of cheating on him, I’d be disgusted with myself but a year and a half later finding this out I move out to a different city an hour and a half away. He asked for me back, I told him he needed to win back my trust. I told him I was talking to other people but I’ve had encounters here and there, of just fucking but I’ll think of my boyfriend. Like I went crazy fucking 8 guy friends (I’ve gotten tested after each time and I’m good) but now I feel extremely guilty for my body and him. I was talking to a friend and he said he did the same when he found out his girl cheated on him. I’ve also talked to some of my friends about it and some have said the same but still. I really feel guilty. I told my boyfriend about some of the encounters and he’s insisting it was his fault. We were just crying this morning apologizing for everything and how much we love each other. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt. Something I didn’t want to feel, that’s why I stayed loyal until he told me about his adventure in a nasty way... so I guess what I’m trying to ask is, has anyone gone through the same thing? How do you get over your guilt personally?

BASICALLY what I’m asking is has anyone gone through a hurt rage and then been like this isn’t me, what am I doing

And overcoming guilt

UPDATE: so my boo said he’s willing to go to a couples therapy retreat in a couple weeks 🙏🏽 our arguments are better settled and now he even says I love you before he hangs up all mad. (Before we’d hang up mid sentence because we’d be cussing each other out) we appreciate the positive thoughts. It makes us feel like we got this 💪🏾 and we laugh at everyone else’s negative comments. So you guys bashing me is actually making us closer so it wouldn’t be possible without y’all either. Thank you girls 💕