Hey all...

I’m going to try and keep this as short as I can. I’ve been extremely depressed and apathetic and anxious the past 3-6 months. My anti depressants aren’t working. Nothing seems appealing anymore. I feel like I don’t enjoy anything. The world seems black and white to me, and I don’t want to do anything I used to like. I can’t be a wife to my husband, a friend to my friends, a daughter, a sister, etc. I am swallowed up... I’ve been suicidal and barely holding onto life by a thread... and now today has made my situation and mental health 1000 times worse... 😢 my sweet angel baby (my dog Lola) has passed away. She was only 8, she had epilepsy but it was under control by medicine and hasn’t had one in years... today, my brother came home to her in the other room having a seizure choking on her tongue. He rushed her to the nearest vet, but by the time he got there it was too late. My mom called me sobbing telling me that. It broke me even more. I started screaming, crying, and shaking. What is life anymore? Why am I here? We buried her today and my mom didn’t want to let go of her... i feel numb. Even more numb than I was and I didn’t think that was possible. I am so beyond depressed I do not want to live. I can’t stop crying, I’ve never lost a pet before and this hurts so bad, she was basically my therapy dog. Whenever I had panic attacks I’d hold her and she’d kiss me. I even had a song for her “perfect by Ed sheeran” she was so special and spoiled. I can’t believe she’s gone... I don’t know what I’m going to do or how im going to move on. Nothing could have ever prepared me for this pain. I feel like I have no reason to live because of how depressed I’ve been and now this. 😢💔

Here is Lola btw... rest in peace my angel... no one will ever compare to you. I am so broken.