How long did it take you to adjust to life of 2?

I am totally losing it in a way not depression or suicidal just lots of anxiety. I have a one month old and a 4 year old it’s a lot due to my 4 year old being his wild hyper stuff and going through now a stage of jealously of the baby of where he’s giving more attitude and not listening more and hitting, it’s becoming a lot. He does love the baby and doesn’t feel anything Mean towards him, he just wants my attention only again and I have had an anxiety disorder since I was 15 so just like my first birth my anxiety is 10x worst.

Just like tonight my son was running to his bedroom with toys and I tried to grab him by his shirt/shoulder to get him to stop running and put them back because it was bedtime and he wasn’t listening. I accounted scratched him with my nails. It’s not awful, I just feel super guilty as a mom. I can’t stop overthinking that I am just sucking at this and not coping well.

Sorry for this long rant but I am waiting on a call back to get back into therapy sessions.