Since my teen hood, I could never rationalize my take on relationships and sex. It seemed like everyone I knew was diving right into that part of adulthood and I was on another planet.

I knew I would get urges, but never really took it upon myself to find someone took help take care of such an itch. Nor did I personally ever feel the need.

It wasn’t until I was 23 - going on 24 - that I finally had sex with an ex from high school. First let me say, it ruined my expectations (which were already low). He was small, so small that I couldn’t even tell when he was in me. Then, each time he brought me close to feeling anything, he stopped before anything happened.

I know from my friends that, that’s part of the whole thing. I should be feeling blissful and probably out of breath. Even after all of that, sex still wasn’t appealing. Even now on the verge of 26 I have very little motivation to even please myself. I have the tools and the time, but I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.

With all these new identifiers, I started thinking about a-sexuality. I read that there are a verity of subcategories and found one that sounds more like how I feel - more relatable I guess.

Is it possible that the reason sex doesn’t appeal to me is because it truly doesn’t? Or do I chalk it up to a bad fling and try again to see?

If I am truly a-sexual in some way, how do I explain that to people, more specifically my family? I feel like if I am something is wrong with me. If you have any advice I would really like to hear it. I’m just feeling lost and I hate feeling this way.