So my Boyfriend and I moved to a new apartment. I decided to move in first so I could settle everything and he would have a smooth process. Mind this new place has 3 flights of stairs and I had to haul everything to the third floor where our bedroom is. For the next couple days I waited for his arrival but when he did. He was being distant from me and whenever we were out. He would always be on his phone which I thought was slightly odd since he never did that when out with me unless it was urgent like from home or work. I know it’s wrong to snoop around but it kind of hurt me whenever I asked to borrow his phone, he would snatch it and look at me menacingly. So I decided I wanted to know. I asked if he was hiding anything and he said no. So I took that as a “he’s not gonna cough up until I find something for reals”. So I went onto his laptop when he was out and I found messages between him and a girl (we’ll keep her name out since it hurts just typing or seeing it). He met this girl at a club with his friends the day I moved to the new apartment. They kissed, danced, groped, drank. Whatever you can think of they did.

So you’re thinking he’s probably drunk who cares? However, he was sober and in his right mind when doing so. How did I find out? She asked him if he remembered everything they did that night and he said yes. He was happy and had an amazing night.

That broke me since I thought, you’re moving in with me because you want to move things to another stage with ME right?

So I confronted him and he told me it was just for fun and that it wasn’t intentional. He told me that she wasn’t competition and that he did nothing wrong. In return he pushed it on me saying he didn’t want to tell me because I would react like this. I told him, I’ve never reacted like this with his other friends because he was so clear conscience about it, whereas this one he was so hidden and secretive. If he had told me straight up he messed up one night and man up for his mistakes I’d be totally fine because absolutely no one is perfect.

I love this man from the bottom of my heart, but it broke me when he kept saying that it wasn’t intentional and he would never do anything to hurt me. Obviously he just did so, this means it would be my fault because I’m making a huge deal out of something that wasn’t anything apparently.

Right now, we are together but I don’t know what we are. I don’t know why but I....Me the one waiting at home for him to come back to me. Begged him to stay with me because I loved him so much and I was willing to look past it. At this very moment....no he’s not with me....he’s out somewhere.