I’m scared to get excited about my pregnancy

After suffering through 4 miscarriages and 1 chemical pregnancy I’m to scared to be excited!! I am beyond happy and i am trying to enjoy being pregnant and praying for the best but it’s so hard to get excited and I feel like I am keeping a secret because I am to scared to tell anyone until I have a scan done and see a heartbeat 💗. Anyone go through this and how did you get trough it?? I feel alone right now and have no one to talk to about it.