Sorry for this being so long, just need to vent.

Some days I don't want to stay with my partner. This isn't a new thing.

"Oh, you're asleep. Guess I'm not getting a hand rub. That sucks, seeing as they're sore from work. And I'm the only one who works, so if they don't function, we can't pay our bills."

I'm sick of the guilt trips.

He finds a way to minimize me in conversations. It's always "me" or "I". If you asked his friends and family, they'd think I don't lift a finger.

"I'm the one who works 40 hours, and I still come home and do the dishes."

Dude, you loaded the dishwasher once this week. Seriously.

Always finds ways to take little digs at me.

He'll tell me that my main job is to mind the baby, and if she's still alive when he gets home, I've done my job. But will bitch about how I didn't get a chance to sweep the floor or take the garbage out.

When he drinks, he's mean. He'll tell me I'm a lazy bitch, that I'm an asshole. If I agree with anything, I'm just pandering.

And he's an alcoholic, so this is near daily.

If I opt to not sit outside and watch him get drunk, I get "Wow. It's like I don't even have a girlfriend. I'm all alone."

Everything seems to have to go exactly his way, or it's like "Screw this. Everything is against me. I should just kill myself."

I find myself thinking "Oh, just shut up and go back outside to drink."

He's always making violent comments. "That asshole just cut me off. I should follow him, and punch him in the face until he learns to signal. "

To the dog: "Listen, listen... If I catch you touching my things again, I'm going to turn your head all the way around without a thought."

To the cat: " If you don't stop meowing, I'm going to shove my foot right up your ass and wear you like a slipper."

He pushed me down with enough force to break my wrist because I slapped him when he was trying to get in the car drunk with our (then) 3 week old baby.

I just don't care about my stuff anymore. I generally feel so crappy about myself that I don't bother to do anything nice for me anymore. I'm okay with that.

I don't like how he treats our baby. He tells her she's bad for crying, or she's a little shit. Tells her she's a brat, and that he's not going to stand for her being emotional later. Does things like hold her upside down by her feet, or pretend to body slam her on the bed. She's only 12 weeks.

He gets mad at her for not looking at him or engaging him like she does me. But any free time he has outside of work/sleep is usually spent drinking. And I don't want her exposed to drunks.

A typical day for me is woken up when he gets home at 11:45pm. Up till 2 listening to him bitch about work and drink. Up at 5 for baby's feeding. Out of the house by 8 so he can have sleep. Home by 12:30 to cook his breakfast and lunch. Up with baby until about 8 or 9pm. Sleep till he gets home.

I sometimes ask him to watch the baby when he wakes up so I can cook. "Sure, I don't need the extra sleep. But if I drive my car off the road and die on my way in, we know why."

Some days I want to go. But he's said, if I leave like the mother of his first child did, he'll kill himself. If I get the cops involved, he'll get them to kill him