I am going to throw a surprise birthday party for my husband. Of course I want to include his family. The problem is his dad. He is an absolute asshole. My husband 110% does not want him there. (He has not wanted to be around his dad in the last year and specifically said this is why he wasn’t going to have a get together. But it’s his 25th birthday, and he honestly loves being celebrated, and I want to do that for him.)

His dad ruins any occasion, just a couple nights ago my BIL was talking about how he wished their dad wouldn’t have even been at their wedding. He is physically, mentally, and verbally abusive to anyone he comes into contact with. He HATES me, hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. He talks badly about me right in front of my face, but never speaks TO me. He is always telling my husband he “looks gay as f***” or like a “f*g”. He calls him a bad son, etc. Just such a hateful person.

As of a couple days ago, my in-laws were supposed to be splitting up. I thought all would be fine. Now they are staying together 🙄🙄🙄. So the problem remains. My husband loves his mom and 2 younger siblings and would be sad if they weren’t there. So I want to invite them, but I absolutely do not want his dad ruining his 25th birthday!

Do I invite his mom and explain that he does not want his dad there and tell them to come without him if they can? I know if I don’t invite them at all it will be a huge thing, and his mom blows things way out of proportion anyway. He has even told her himself that her husband is the reason she’s not invited to things because no one wants to deal with him. I just don’t know what to do 😩