What is this feeling? Loneliness, empty feeling? What is it?

Hello everyone! I’m 16 years old.

I’ve liked my crush for almost 6 years (upcoming Fall 2019 marks that).

Sidenote: I’m straight.

Anyway, I’ve noticed so many people nowadays. It is their looks that draw me to them (to glance over at them anyway). And they do remind me of people I’ve seen or met before.

However, it is very strange for me to see a person, and to me they look like some bus driver’s daughter from my district.

I do not mean to actually develop feelings, but I feel as though not only I think so much about the guy I like but also his former bus driver.

I’ve been thinking about her for 4 years (on and off) because I miss her. She was there to drive my crush to school. I want to talk to her because of nostalgia. It hurts me to see my crush move & the bus driver move to a different school bus number. BTW, I don’t remember her face or voice, so it is very VERY hard for me to find her. I can’t tell if I do see her or not.....

I just feel so down in the dumps because it’s a lingering feeling inside of me. I always feel horrible and regrettable.

Like it hurts me emotionally and mentally to not find her anywhere (I try my best every single day both morning and afternoon sometimes night). And for my crush that moved, it only makes it worse and want to find that bus number (it also isn’t around — I don’t see it anymore) and also makes me want to search for her (the bus driver of the bus).

I don’t think inappropriately. I just invested in an unhealthy amount of time in searching for her. I see her in the mornings before I go to my school. I made sure to wave at her (she noticed & waved back)!

It made feel so much happier, remembering those times. I think it was her, but I don’t know FOR SURE, if it was her.

I’m sorry. I just miss a few years ago & wished I had appreciated those years a little more. Words cannot describe how I’m feeling.

Like I noticed a girl today at my lunch period that looked almost identical to the bus driver lady I saw in the mornings.

* There is this bus driver that reminds me of the former bus driver my crush had. IDK if it was her or not, and I’m sorry I’m rambling or am not making any sense. It’s because I don’t feel so well & bitter.

I’m very sorry this was so long & I do thank you in advance for answering.

*** I plan on talking to one of the bus drivers about her and/or other things. It’s there, and I have been longing to. I’m too nervous to talk to her and too nervous to talk to any other bus driver about her or about my crush

(because maybe they knew about him when we were in middle school).

We’re in high school now & I know; it was the past, but it hurts.