UP-UPDATE!!!

I got the job!!! I start the 30th!!! I can’t wait! This job comes with benefits, paid time off, and I’ll be helping people who need it the most. So thankful to people who made alternate suggestions. It encouraged me to think outside the box and search in other places. It may not be $500+ a day, but it’s damn good. Love you ladies!! ❤️

UPDATE: I chickened out of my audition!

First, I’d like to thank everyone who liked and commented. Your advice means a lot to me.

I lined up an audition, and picked out an outfit. As soon as this decision started to feel real, I felt so moody and upset with my life. I knew I couldn’t go through with it. No matter how much money I made, it would be a burden to do it. I don’t think I could have remained myself. I saw myself slipping back into habits from my younger years—smoking, drinking, etc. I’ve fought really hard recently to make a healthier lifestyle and demonstrate to my daughter how to deal with adversity in a healthy and positive manner. I’ve become a vegetarian, quit weed and cigarettes, and spent a lifetime avoiding the family tradition of becoming an alcoholic. I can’t do something for work that encourages these behaviors, and I couldn’t see myself stripping without falling into those traps.

I have an interview on Monday to become a Rapid Rehousing Coordinator at my local youth shelter. I think this career move will provide me the financial stability I need as well as line up with who I really am. I may not make as much money, but I think my quality of life will be much better. I’m excited to do something for people who have struggled through some of the things I have. I’m hoping the interview goes well, and that I am able to negotiate for the salary I need.

Thank you again for all of your advice and support. ❤️

ORIGINAL POST:

Hi there! Single mom here. I’ve been working six days a week for about three months now, trying to pay all my bills and feed myself and my daughter. We’re both vegetarians, so it’s not like we spend a lot on food. I also don’t preen much, so even my hygiene budget is less than $20. I still can’t pay my rent on time. My account still goes into the negative on a regular basis. Sometimes I wonder where our next meal will come from. We haven’t gone hungry or been evicted, but the perpetual stress about whether we’re going to make it this month, never having any time to spend with my daughter, and sheer physical exhaustion has me on brink.

I’ve applied for food stamps. They said I don’t qualify because the income limit for a family of two is $1,300, and the make a bit more than that. Now my sister, who has two kids and is about to give birth to her third, is moving in with me in a few months. The trouble is, this doesn’t help me at all. We’ll need a much bigger place, which is going to cost a hell of a lot more. My credit is good enough that if I can increase my monthly income, I could get a mortgage that fits us for muuuuch less than renting. I’m sure anyone who has bought a home knows that if you can’t prove you earn enough, the bank won’t give you a loan and just trust you to figure it out.

I could get some kind of 9-5 job, but I’d be working longer hours each day, and in reality, taking a huge pay cut. Right now I’m a barista, who makes more in tips than she could at a “legit” gig with all the benefits and perceived status. The thing is, I know those jobs are going to require me to go buy office clothes, make-up, etc. So even if I could leverage my skills for higher pay, I don’t really believe I’d be taking home more at the end. I feel like it would be much more likely I’d be taking home less, and with higher expectations from my boss.

So it’s finally come to this. To strip, or not to strip? I’ve joked about stripping for years. It’s always been a way for me to remind myself I could have it worse. But that was when $1,800 was enough for bills, makeup, and fun outings with friends. Now that I’m a single mom, I’m not sure what other choice I have. The government won’t help, my family can’t help, and my baby daddy already does his share. I know there’s a lot of stigma. I’m not interested in conversations about slut-shaming. So I’ll say how I feel on that whole sticky conversation right now: “Who is the bigger slut, the girl trying to make ends meet, or the boy paying her to shake her tits?”

I’ll follow this by saying, I am a writer with a deal in the works. I stand to make enough from this deal to be able to take care of me and my daughter and still put her through college in the end. I have goals. This is not a long-term career plan. It’s a quick-fix, build-a-bridge-from-here-to-there plan.

What concerns me is the mental cost of doing this. I like to dance, I’m attractive enough, and I genuinely think I could make good money. I would even go as far as to say, if a guy is going to toss a coin between harassing a girl at a bar for free, or tipping me for the privilege, I’d rather it be me. I’d rather a man try to assault me in a parking lot than someone else, because he won’t walk away with his dick still attached if it’s me. (No, I am not “asking for it” thank you for completely missing my point.) And at the same time, I wonder if I can really take on all of that societal baggage and go home and be the mom I need to be.

It’s one thing when you can go home a 4:00am and sleep through the emotional toll. It’s another when you have to wake up three hours later and be your typical busy mamma self. Can I actually compartmentalize that well? Will $200-$500 per night ($3,200-$8,000 per month) be worth it? Am I being realistic? What else could I possibly do that would generate that kind of money? How can I take care of my family when all the odds are stacked against me, if I’m not willing to use all of my assets to their fullest?

Can any of you ladies relate? Have any of you done this kind of work? Be real with me if you have. What is the average amount a stripper can make? Is the money worth is some or most of the time? What are your worst stories? Is trauma more common than financial stability? It hard to know the truth. The girls at the club aren’t going to be real with me in front of their customers, and a lot of the girls on YouTube make it sound like a walk in the park. I’m not nieve. I know that the image Hollywood sells us about stripping is as reliable as the one they sell us about rape. It is always so much heavier when it’s you and it’s real life. What would you do if you were in my shoes?