(Bit of a long post sorry)

My husband and I have been going through a rough patch recently.

But first let me give you a little back story.... (it will be relevant later on)

Last year when I was about 10-15 weeks pregnant, I found some messages of his to a female friend that were basically saying "i love u, ur so beautiful" etc although she wasn't saying things like this back (so I know it wasn't a relationship/affair) but it was still considered cheating in my book. After that we sorted things out and like a few months ago found messages similar to this with another girl. Again the girl was just enjoying the compliments, but not saying it back.

Recently he has been distant and I've been having to beg him for some time together. He works long and hard hours and I understand and appreciate that. He wakes up 5:30am Monday-Saturday. Leaves the house 6:30 and gets home 6:30. So he's tired on weekdays understandably, so I just let him unwind and do his own thing, if he wants to talk and spend time then fine but if not I don't get offended. On Saturdays he works overtime from 7am to midday and has sundays off, so he only has Saturday night where he can stay up late really and that used to be our movie nights once our baby (6months) is asleep. Now the last few weeks has been going out with friends (not clubbing or drinking, just round my cousins house with friends) but this is EVERY Saturday so I barely get to spend time alone with him 😪. Also since my LO has been teething he has been sleeping on the sofa bed in the living roombecause after being up 20 times during the night with baby I don't like being woken up by his alarm.

All this has caused some distance between us. I have voiced my concerns about this and asked if we he can go every other Saturday or spend Friday evening with me etc. His response is "I do spend time with, I don't know why ur always moaning about that".

This Saturday, I gave LO to my mum during the day and waited for him to get off work. I had dressed up all sexy, made lunch and dessert etc. He loved it, we had sex and it was amazing. I told him I want this feeling of closeness and love to last. I want you to make feel this beautiful all the time, not make 'funny' comments about my appearance or body. He said he wouldn't (although he still kinda does).

Then the other day we were talking and he said if I knew someone (female) he could use in a music video he has been wanting to shoot of himself. I suggested myself and he laughed in my face. I asked what was funny and why I couldn't be in the video and he said he wanted some other girl to be in it. Then he said (not sure if he was joking) to find a girl for it and I told him I didn't know anyone.

A while before a convo came up about tinder and how I used tinder for like 2-3 days (before we were married, we were dating and broke up for like 4-5 months) and after that he asked me if he can download it to find someone for the music video???? I sarcastically said yes and he knew I was being sarcastic. He asked again and I said "don't why ur asking, u already know the answer." I thought he was joking but he downloaded it anyway.

Later on, he's showing me it and this dude honestly thinks because he's going to show me this shit that I wont suspect he's chatting to girls?? Idk I just want to give up. Idk if he is talking to girls or what but I just don't care anymore.

This below is some messages between us from today. His ones say..

"I'm doing everything, what else can I do?"

And "u said so"

I've just had enough and feel like I'm dragging this marriage and him through life and it's just so exhausting especially as I'm dealing with PPD/A.

I guess I just needed to rant but if someone has any advice or anything I would really appreciate it.

I can't just leave because I'm financially dependent on him (SAHM)

Edit:

I want to stay anon so not replying to comments directly.

My husband is Pakistani and this place is under my name. I can't just kick my husband out. He has no family in this country and if I kick him out, he will have to move out of the country and that will effect our sons and his relationship. He is an amazing dad and always makes time for his baby.

I live in the UK and I'm still on maternity leave at the moment, my childcare costs will be higher than my pay if i decid to go back.