am i being rude?

Question

so i am 10 weeks pregnant! and this is my first pregnancy, weve been trying for over a year! so it’s super exciting for both my SO and i!! ❤️
but, his mother keeps overstepping her boundaries. 
and one thing i don’t feel comfortable with is her coming to our doctors appointments (they vaginally insert the ultrasound thing) and i don’t want anyone but my SO there, and maybe my own mom. but i do not feel comfortable at all with her being there. but my SO says if my mom can go, his should be able to also.. while i understand it’d only be ‘fair’, i don’t feel comfortable with it as stated 100 times before. and she’s calling me rude. 
but the whole four years i’ve been w my so, she’s always stepped on my toes, and tried to one up me and acted like he’s her husband and she’s weird. this is one thing i should have control over and the final say.. am i being rude? what am i supposed to say or do?
additionally: she also already made her decision to be in the room when i give birth. which her and i have been arguing ab since i found out i was pregnant. she will not be in the room, and if she keeps it up she won’t be allowed in the hospital to see our child period.

Answer

You’re not being rude what so ever. I love my MIL and I still would feel uncomfortable with her there watching. Heck, I wouldn’t even want my own mom there to see. Just me and my husband. Its your body and your choice on who you want in the room.  
Ask your SO how he would feel having YOUR mom in a room staring at his penis while having an exam or something of the sort done. Uncomfortable right? 
He shouldn’t be pushing or pressuring you into having his mom there. Your body and your choice on who you want their or not. If he doesn’t agree, when you get a bunch of comments on here then show him. He’s being unreasonable

Answer

YOUR the patient. The medical information being given is YOURS. You decide who that info gets too and that includes ultrasounds and birth. You can always remind your husband that his presence is also your choice. And no, not rude at all!

Answer

Uh, those appointments aren’t for her so she doesn’t need to be there. How invasive can she get? A pregnant woman should be the only person who gets to decide who she takes to appointments and the birth. Period. 
Tell him if he’s comfortable being in a room with something shoved up his ass in front of your mother, you’ll compromise, if not, he can stick his opinion. PERIOD.

Answer

I’m surprised they’d let that many people in the room anyway. My doc will only allow one support person... Even if your doc doesn’t, you could say he or she does?

Answer

Your the patient at the appointment. You're the one who is on display at the appointment.. If you want YOUR mom there, that makes sense. That's your mom. But his mom has no reason to be there honestly. That's just too many people and if you're not wanting her there that's your right as the patient. He needs to understand that just because it's his baby too, it's your body and your appointment. It's not about him. As for assuming she can just invite herself into the room for your labor... She's the one being rude. She sounds like she makes things more stressful for you and that's not what you need at appointments or in labor. I'd just stand firm that you don't want her at the appointments (unless it's the gender, grandparents like to be at that but still up to you) and certainly not at the hospital. She has no say whatso ever. Even if your husband says she can, he's not the patient. They go by what YOU want. If he's all you want and your mom they will respect that

Answer

no not at all x

Answer

Why haven’t you set your boundaries with your SO and his mother?

Answer

Just tell the nurses who you want in the room when you're giving birth they will kick her out in a heartbeat.

Answer

Tell you SO that you aren't comfortable with her being in the ultrasound room. If he doesn't like it or think it's"fair" tell him get naked waist down and spread his legs open with his mom in there.

Answer

Oh man. My MIL can be overbearing but at least she knows that she can’t be there. My husband knows that she will drive me and the doctors crazy with her questions and demands.

am i being rude?

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